Today’s three card draw comes from the Motherpeace tarot deck by Karen Vogel and Vicki Nobel.

Last night I did a three card draw from another deck that was serious SUNSHINE and ROSES. It was over the top AMAZING. I made my partner sit while I read all about the AWESOMENESS that described my life. This morning I woke up and checked in about whether that was the draw I should write about. The answer was a clear: NO, DRAW AGAIN.

The Motherpeace deck called to me this morning, so I did my draw of one card to start, seven of swords reversed. Damn. Not one of those sunshine and roses, inspiration abounds, my life is awesome kind of cards. I guess it can’t always be that. My intellect started trying to get involved– “are you sure that’s your draw? Maybe that’s not really it… Maybe you should draw again.”

Nope. That’s the draw, lady. Sunshine and roses are not an everyday occurrence. This is  what’s lying under the surface. And of course, it’s perfect. As I sat with the card, reversed, depicting a fox outside a hen house, I got the clear message that I needed to draw two more cards, and get a little more context. I drew the six of wands turned right, and the hanged one, turned left. The context is helpful– and absolutely spot on.

The seven of swords is that place I find myself moving away from– the feeling of  scarcity and struggle for resources… A lack of trust in myself as a resource– the continuous fight I engage in with the second-guessing chatter in my brain. The six of wands turned right is POWERFUL. It affirms my leadership and power, even as my brain attempts to undermine it. And the hanged one left represents an ambivalence about slowing down and connecting to my inner world. Yes, Yes, and Yes.

I find myself engaged at the moment in a struggle with myself, hanging onto the desire to placate habits and practices that no longer serve any part of me. I am moving through a massive shift in consciousness and the little girl inside of me just wants to feel COMFORTED AND DRINK COFFEE!!!! But when I allow my brain to override all other senses and engage in the habits that no longer serve me– every single cell in my body immediately screams: “STOP IT!!!”

There is a higher purpose to serve. I must remind my little girl that she is SAFE and that safety and comfort are not the same thing. I am no longer a scared, bewildered, insecure little girl and I can TRUST my surroundings implicitly. I have a partner who is able to hold space for and LOVE the craziest, witchiest me– and his presence keeps me continuously smiling. I am doing my work. I am listening, and honoring my highest good. I am taking small steps every day to move me forward. And I don’t need (or really even want) to drink coffee anymore, dammit.

Waking up is not for the faint of heart.