As I sit with it in meditation I feel a bubbling up of excitement and joy through my body. I have spent the last several days navigating my resistance, acknowledging my terror, and allowing myself to be held– and this card feels like the perfect reward for my diligent work.
My mother, daughter and I had a ceremony yesterday for my Grandmother (my mother’s mother). She died when I was three, and I have one memory of her lying in a hospital bed with tubes in her nose. It was a terrifying image for a three year old, and one that is emblazoned in my brain. My mother has carried her ashes around for the last 38 years.
Yesterday she finally unburdened herself– and this card speaks to a rebirth of our lineage. We brought my grandmother’s ashes down to the Willamette river and scattered them there– sending her out to the Pacific. It was simple and easy. My mom showed my daughter pictures of her mother. She recounted simple stories about who her mother was, and the struggles she encountered. We set her spirit free– and released ourselves from her struggles.
Today all of us step forward on a new path. It is a rebirth for each of us as individuals and for our lineage. The four of us share the name Louise, which means “renowned warrior.” All four of us have an intense fight within us– the fire in this image perfectly depicts our nature. As we move forward we carry the fierce warrior with us but release the struggle. We allow ourselves to be held and supported. We honor the struggle that came before us– and balance the intensity of our fire with the movement and continuous flow of water.
So today I’m sideways as opposed to upside down. I suppose that’s progress…
Sitting in meditation today after drawing this card, my attention was drawn to my heart chakra. I felt massive pressure there, like a huge bubble welling up– wanting to be released but also needing to be felt. I sat with the bubble, connecting to my root and my crown, drawing light into my heart from both directions. I allowed emotion to move, tears streaming down my cheeks. As it flowed, the bubble began to disperse and turn into refracted light, like a sunset spreading wide across my chest, looking exactly like the image in this picture.
This image inspires hope for me. The butterfly beckons me out of my familiar and comfortable rut. In reading about this card, it being turned right is a sign of pushing an action or idea. That resonates. BIG TIME.
Yesterday in acknowledging my terror, I acknowledged also the comfort in pushing. My modus operandi throughout my entire adult life is to push forward and through. There’s something very comforting in the effort of the push. It helps me feel life I’m doing something– the struggle makes me feel alive. In this image the immense beauty is her effortlessness. She is poised and balanced and HELD from all directions, just as she emanates in all directions. The image is exactly what I felt in meditation yesterday… to hold and be held.
I made this draw in the morning during the few spare moments I had between my early morning class and taking my kids to the doctor and the dentist. I first drew the seven of swords, an old friend from a few weeks back. I remember the last time I drew this guy I was horrified, because just the night before I’d had a sunshine-and-roses-all-signs-point-to-YES kind of draw, and this fox knocked me down several pegs. As I did the last time I drew this card, I immediately knew I needed to draw two more, first the five of cups and then the five of wands. As I drew the five of wands I said hello again, having just seen it a few moments before when it had tried to assert itself while I was shuffling, a “jumper”. This time I actually said hello instead of shoving it back into the deck. I think it’s safe to say this morning was a head down, get it done sort of operation– not a lot of conscious activity happening for me.
Immediately after drawing these cards, I took a picture and then headed off with my kids into “Operation mom” for the next hour and a half. Before leaving I tried to find my Motherpeace book, so I might be able to at least intellectually process what the deck was telling me– but to no avail– it was hiding. The cards were eerily haunting throughout the day– I checked in with the picture a couple of times. Operation mom moved immediately (and a few minutes late) into “Operation business owner”– and my day proceeded as such, moving from one thing to the next without any time to consider myself.
Welcome back to life!!
My job as a business owner is incredibly rewarding. I have relationships with so many different, amazing people. I have no one but myself to answer to (which totally works for me). I LOVE my work. However, at times running a business can be really challenging. It can be a lot to carry on my sizable-but-just-one-set-of shoulders. Sometimes I allow that stress to bleed into my personal life– because I certainly don’t want it to bleed into my professional life. Sometimes I don’t do a good job of managing my stress.
I had some unfortunate digital misunderstandings and miscommunications with my husband in the afternoon which added to my stress and general “off” feelings. I finished work at six and headed home to cook dinner, moving into “Operation wife” with a chip on my shoulder which was really uncalled for– but definitely present. When my husband arrived home I didn’t do a good job at communicating the gist of my day– and ultimately, while walking along the beautiful, tree-lined streets of our neighborhood we had our first fight as a married couple. Hooray!! (We all know it’s gotta happen, might as well get it over with).
Arriving back at our house after my own personal post-fight walk, I saw my husband through the window in our basement folding laundry, and I went into the kitchen and finished making dinner. Under the auspice of “not putting clothes in the wrong place” we made up, he always finds a way to make me smile. We settled back into our life and had a late dinner. It was then and only then that my Motherpeace book poked its head out from its hiding place RIGHT next to me. Yes. My daily draw.
I picked it up and leafed through the book, finding the descriptions of my cards, finally able to consciously take them in. I took some time to sit with the images. I felt gratitude for the resolution and communication between myself and my husband. Sometimes things present themselves before we’re ready to take them in. These cards definitely did that. They spoke of strategizing to get what I want, of not becoming overwhelmed or stuck in a space of grieving or letting go, and of an internal struggle and the rising of a phoenix from the ashes. YES, YES and YES.
This daily draw process is not always the easiest for me. It lays bare things that are not easy to look at– that are hiding underneath my rose-colored surfaces. It helps me to affirm where I am and with what I am struggling. I don’t like to acknowledge personal struggle, as it feels in my lizard brain like a weakness. Of course as a healer, I know better– but it is challenging to always stay on top of self-reflection. Today it tells me that consciousness in all things is KEY. And honest communication with myself and with the outside world is necessary.
Number 9 is my favorite number, and a hermit is what I would desperately like to be at the moment. It speaks of moving away from the distractions of the world and into a personal solitude. I feel the call of the koala and know that my looming deadline makes the idea of solitude sound like an impossibility. However, I appreciate the appearance of koala and feel that despite the “stress” I may be in the midst of– koala reminds me that despite the external chaos and distraction, I am still able to access calm and relaxation at my center.
This card feels incredibly etheric to me. There are halos or energy fields emanating from the base of the trees as well as the head and shoulders of the female figure. What I read of it speaks of being caught up in an external process, which is certainly true. I’m so caught in that process I’m having a hard time sitting with this card. I am where I am and it is what it is.
I’m right side up hanging from my ankle by a snake. Somehow what I get when I sit with this image is exuberance. I’ll take it.
Wow. I just actually sat for a moment with this image and was STRUCK by how brilliantly it portrays my life right now. It is the perfect metaphor for my wedding and the focus I have on the target, just nine days away. I am struck by the meticulous clarity with which he aims and focuses. There is no doubt in his being that he will hit the center of his target with surety and perfection.
He is surrounded by and supported by nature, the robin, dragonfly and the forest. He is harmonious in his forward momentum. Time in its insanely non-linear fashion is playing with me these days– but I have a slow and steady “eye on the prize” mentality that keeps things in perspective and helps me to understand that this final stretch before the wedding will be insanely short and immensely long at the same time. I am exhausted and exuberant, overwhelmed and accomplished.
I am ready and steady and I’ve got my eye on the target nine days from now and I know with certainty there’s no way for me to miss it.
I must admit, this card hits it right on the head. A woman doing solitary work, head down, focused. Reminds me of someone… Reading about this card it talks about stress around not having enough of something. YES. This card HITS IT. Awesomely though, I feel like before I drew this card I was already beginning to move through this state of worry and solitude.
Today I moved back out into the world, turning from the deep inward spiral of the priestess of cups. And while I was still focused on the work ahead of me, I also turned to friends for help. I feel like that’s what this card doesn’t show– but it’s about to happen… She finishes kneading her bread, gets up and goes into the other room and asks her friends if they’ll help her bake it, or maybe she just lifts her head and calls out for support… Either way, I feel confident she is about to ask for the help she needs.
I feel hope in this card, because I feel hope for myself. Yes, I have a lot of work to do and many things to organize in my head as well as in the actual world. But, I’m beginning to tackle those things by reaching out into all of the support that surrounds me. Moving through my life today was a beautiful affirmation of that support. I’ve spent much of my life afraid to ask for help– and I think often people don’t know how to offer help to me– because I often appear not to need it. But, just like everyone else, I need help, especially right now. And I’m finally learning that asking for it is a highly effective way of getting it.
There are weird blocks in the roadway this morning. I just had three attempts at adding this picture and caption only to have it subsequently deleted. I felt my frustration mounting as I moved through these attempts and then I took a breath and had a little giggle realizing it was all part of the reversed eight of cups process. The eight of cups reversed speaks to my sense of overwhelm, which is fairly all consuming at the moment.
It’s a bit laughable that at this time in my life when I’m preparing to get married, and hosting as DIY a wedding as you can get that I make the decision to start two new blogs and hold myself accountable for writing a post a day in each of them. It’s absolutely perfect and speaks to who I am. It’s nice to acknowledge it though. I am OVERWHELMED.
This poor sweet purple octopus is busting out all the stops– has pulled out all of her finery, the very best cups. But she is stuck in presenting her finery, unable to move in any direction, because all of her hands are full. And from my reversed perspective, her cups must also all be empty, because they are all upside down. I can’t help but immediately connect to her two little eyes in the center of the picture that look completely bewildered.
I know the feeling. This card reminds me from the outside perspective that I’ve GOT A LOT GOING ON RIGHT NOW. It’s a useful image for me in that it speaks to the importance of delegation. I don’t know about the octopus– but I do know that I have an extensive support system and this card is reminding me of that. I am not this isolated octopus. It’s time for me to tap into my community and ASK FOR HELP. Because I’m not going to stop writing my two blog posts a day– and come hell or high water I am getting married 12 days from today.
I woke up this morning to the sounds of birds in the tree outside my window. “Those are springtime birds,” said the voice in my head. The world feels alive and radiant this morning– and this card reflects that radiance perfectly. As I sat in meditation with this card I heard a chicken in my backyard laying an egg. Life springs forth all around me– and I feel I am no exception– I am bursting forth with LIFE!!!
The image on this card feels three dimensional– her joyful leap propelling her off the card and into unknown adventures. She is flanked by a unicorn and three cranes– all emanating youthful exuberance. Behind her is a cave, flowers by the unobscured entrance– making it feel to me like an opportunity, a portal to wherever she chooses to bound towards. She’s also making noise with every move she makes, bangles on both her wrists and ankles. She is unapologetic and truly allowing her path to unfold joyfully before her.
I rejoice in this card and am honored to have drawn it. Each new day I am leaping forward into life which I am continuously creating.