post a day, prose, self-reflection, the daily draw, transformation, Uncategorized, writing

What I See When my Eyes are Closed

Today’s draw is Unicorn from The Animal Spirit Deck by Kim Krans.

This is another brilliant new deck that just arrived at my door yesterday– the Unicorn is my first pull from it. Each day for me at the moment is a practice in trust and allowance. Though there was no specific question I asked as I shuffled the deck and drew this brilliant creature from it– what tends to be at the forefront of my mind these days is my new path forward. I am acknowledging a shift in consciousness, an enlivening and awakening of my truest self. I am doing the best I can to get out of my own way and open myself up to a larger context. I am asking the thoughts and inner-narrative that drive my worries and fears to take a back seat so that a larger perspective can be gleaned.

As I connect to the unicorn in meditation I am drawn to my third eye, my intuition and knowing. It leads me forward down an endless, spiraling cosmic tunnel and asks me to follow without question. This spiraling meditation of uncertain certainty is one that I will continue to engage with. The unicorn asks me give myself the trust that others bestow upon me. She asks me to BELIEVE in what I see when my eyes are closed. And KNOW what is beyond my ability to reason or articulate. She encourages me to allow my visions to unfold– to acknowledge their power and give them life beyond the confines of my mind. She asks me to acknowledge my limits are defined only by myself. She encourages me to continue to see far BEYOND reason.

TRUST. ALLOW. RECEIVE.

healing, post a day, prose, self-reflection, tarot, the daily draw, The Wild Unknown Tarot, transformation, Uncategorized

Her lightening load is mine

Today’s draw is the seven of wands from The Wild Unknown Tarot by Kim Krans.

I’ve fallen out of my writing practice in the last week– allowing doubt and fear to get the better of me. Today, on this first day following the Scorpio full moon, I renew my commitment to myself and this process of accountability and acknowledgement. I began today with a 13 card spread for the coming year from this deck that is brand new to me, The Wild Unknown. It feels like my deck. Interacting with it feels like coming home.

The seven of wands was the first card I turned over in the 13 card spread, the one that applies for the month ahead. I began sobbing as soon as i connected to it.

The root of my emotion feels connected to my mother and the shedding process she is currently undergoing, which runs parallel to my own. The work that she is doing is clearly work for our lineage. As she releases her burdens she allows my daughter and I to release them as well. She frees us from ever having to carry them.

Yesterday on the full moon in Scorpio she turned 73. The day before she held a yard sale at my house and let go of a massive amount of weight that she had been carrying for years upon years upon years. My mother is a collector. She has always been a collector (at least for the 41 years that I have known her). When I was a child she never made me get rid of anything. There was an attachment to objects that was allowed and even encouraged. I carted around ridiculous pieces of my childhood with me from one coast to another– finally beginning to unravel that process seven years ago when I separated from my first husband.

The single flame on the seven of wands represents our own inner fire. It symbolizes the importance of self-reliance and the falling away of all other things or people. As my mother sheds her past and unburdens herself of all that she has carried for herself and for others throughout her lifetime– I too feel a weight lifting. Her lightening load is mine as well. She gives me courage to move forward through my doubt and fear, guided by my own inner light. I allow that light to shine on my terror. I acknowledge the perfection of my fear and allow my inner light to guide the way. I am grateful for the powerful example my mother is setting. As she steps out on her own brightly lit path without the security of her things, so too do I.

healing, motherpeace, post a day, prose, self-reflection, the daily draw, transformation, Uncategorized, writing

The Effort of Allowing

Today’s draw is the Ace of Swords turned right from Motherpeace tarot created by Vicki Nobel and Karen Vogel. 

So today I’m sideways as opposed to upside down. I suppose that’s progress…

Sitting in meditation today after drawing this card, my attention was drawn to my heart chakra. I felt massive pressure there, like a huge bubble welling up– wanting to be released but also needing to be felt. I sat with the bubble, connecting to my root and my crown, drawing light into my heart from both directions. I allowed emotion to move, tears streaming down my cheeks. As it flowed, the bubble began to disperse and turn into refracted light, like a sunset spreading wide across my chest, looking exactly like the image in this picture.

This image inspires hope for me. The butterfly beckons me out of my familiar and comfortable rut. In reading about this card, it being turned right is a sign of pushing an action or idea. That resonates. BIG TIME.

Yesterday in acknowledging my terror, I acknowledged also the comfort in pushing. My modus operandi throughout my entire adult life is to push forward and through. There’s something very comforting in the effort of the push. It helps me feel life I’m doing something– the struggle makes me feel alive. In this image the immense beauty is her effortlessness. She is poised and balanced and HELD from all directions, just as she emanates in all directions. The image is exactly what I felt in meditation yesterday… to hold and be held.

My new effort is to allow.

healing, motherpeace, prose, tarot, the daily draw, transformation, Uncategorized, writing

Poised for the Next Big Shift

Today’s draw is the Two of Swords from Motherpeace Tarot by Karen Vogel and Vicki Nobel.

“Wow” is what I uttered as I drew this card from the deck this morning. The stark beauty of this image is striking. As I sit with this card in meditation, I immediately feel my spine elongating– a flow of energy moving out from my crown chakra. Then my attention, like yesterday, comes to my third chakra, which feels as if it’s rhythmically dancing. Sitting with the image there is a feeling of unity– of drawing together things that seem separate– but are not. The illumination of the full moon, shining on the naked figure is a revelation of openness. There is a peace– while acknowledging struggle, a resolve to being in what could be defined as a state of limbo.

Swords represent the element of Air. This is the second day I’ve drawn a sword– it seems I’m moving away from the emotion of watery cups and into the more active, changing element of air. The dancing in my third chakra portends a large shift is on its way. If the work I’ve been doing with my clients of late is any indication (and it always is)– there is a massive clearing of my throat chakra in process. (Not to mention the fact that I’ve been clearing my throat continuously for the last five days). Every piece of me feels poised for this next big shift. I feel as though I’m balancing on a precipice– ready to take flight.

I trust my resources and all that I am surrounded by to help carry me forward. I am strong and resilient and poised to exponentially EXPAND.

2nd marriage, healing, love, post a day, prose, self-reflection, the daily draw, Uncategorized, writing

Slightly South of Sacred

Today’s card comes from The Sacred Journey deck by Cheryl Thiele.

The simple beauty of this card, having moved through my own personal turmoil yesterday is absolutely perfect. The last week or so of my life I’ve moved slightly south of sacred, engaging in old patterns and habits that don’t serve my highest good. I’ve allowed myself to indulge myself in old routines relating to comfort and safety– mostly with my eating habits. I’ve been gentle with myself in this engagement however, acknowledging the massive transition through which I’ve just moved. Occasionally we all need to plunge into the deep waters of old, familiar patterns in order to remind ourselves why we’ve made the conscious choices we have.

I’m just poking my head above the surface of those waters today– and it feels amazing to honor my conscious choices once again– and move away from the old, rutted patterns. If we allow ourselves to honor the sacredness in everything, we give width and breadth to all that surrounds us. I had the most incredible energy session today with a dear client and friend. I have watched her move through so much in such a short period of time. I have seen her claim herself and honor her process in the most sacred, beautiful ways. This card, and the simple beauty of the wings on it reflects the sacredness of her journey. It reflects the sacredness of ALL of our journeys. I am immensely grateful for the honor of bearing witness to so many people’s sacred space.

I honor the sacredness of my body, this amazing vessel that has managed (despite my best efforts to thwart it at every turn) to persevere and grow stronger. I honor the sacredness of my space as my extended container and protector. I honor the sacredness of my children who are (despite the fact that they are children) phenomenal human beings who I am grateful to know. I honor the sacredness of my business as it offers sanctuary and solitude to those who honor its sacredness. I honor the sacredness of my partnership– as it is larger and more powerful than I could possibly be on my own.

For everything sacred, which is everything, I am grateful.

 

2nd marriage, healing, marriage, post a day, prose, self-reflection, the daily draw, transformation, Uncategorized, writing

Actively Becoming Myself

Today’s draw is the Greek Goddess Psyche from Goddess Knowledge Cards painted by Susan Eleanor Boulet and written by Michael Babcock.

This powerful image of Psyche holds the promise of new life– shrouded and nestled with birds and holding an egg. Psyche (whom I had never heard of before drawing this card) was first mortal then given immortality after wedding Eros, the Greek God of love. She is said to exemplify a woman’s quest for personal growth– affirming that every piece of our path is important, the dark as well as light.

When I connect to this card and this image of Psyche I feel nestled. It follows the same theme (funny thing about that) of creating and rooting into a home, or nest. In the week before my wedding, three times I saw crows flying above me with branches in their mouths, building. I feel clearly that the space I am occupying in my life is one of building. I am acknowledging my massive root system, which is co-mingling with the massive root system of my husband. (As I write this, he sits next to me writing).

I am building my home. I am building my family. I am building my business. I am building my life. As I move back into and begin to occupy these spaces after the massive ceremonial acknowledgement I feel a protection and assurance that did not exist before. I am whole in a new way. I am actively becoming more and more myself with each passing day.

healing, motherpeace, post a day, prose, self-reflection, tarot, the daily draw, transformation, Uncategorized, writing

Turning from the Deep Inward Spiral

Today’s draw is the five of discs from the Motherpeace tarot deck.

I must admit, this card hits it right on the head. A woman doing solitary work, head down, focused. Reminds me of someone… Reading about this card it talks about stress around not having enough of something. YES. This card HITS IT. Awesomely though, I feel like before I drew this card I was already beginning to move through this state of worry and solitude.

Today I moved back out into the world, turning from the deep inward spiral of the priestess of cups. And while I was still focused on the work ahead of me, I also turned to friends for help. I feel like that’s what this card doesn’t show– but it’s about to happen… She finishes kneading her bread, gets up and goes into the other room and asks her friends if they’ll help her bake it, or maybe she just lifts her head and calls out for support… Either way, I feel confident she is about to ask for the help she needs.

I feel hope in this card, because I feel hope for myself. Yes, I have a lot of work to do and many things to organize in my head as well as in the actual world. But, I’m beginning to tackle those things by reaching out into all of the support that surrounds me. Moving through my life today was a beautiful affirmation of that support. I’ve spent much of my life afraid to ask for help– and I think often people don’t know how to offer help to me– because I often appear not to need it. But, just like everyone else, I need help, especially right now. And I’m finally learning that asking for it is a highly effective way of getting it.

Imagine that.