joy, love, marriage, post a day, prose, the daily draw, Uncategorized, writing


Today’s draw is from Sacred Geometry Cards for the Visionary Path by Francene Hart

I had completely forgotten that this deck existed until this morning. I found myself in a neglected corner of my house, one that used to be an altar space that is now a dumping ground for randomness, asking myself “what am I looking for?” BOOM these cards called out to me, greeting  me like a long-lost friend. I remembered buying them out at one of our favorite bookstores on the coast over a year ago and using them just once to create an altar for our family. I immediately disassembled the altar (an untended altar is no altar at all) and made the deck whole again. I didn’t even check in with my other decks. This was the deck for today’s draw.

Drawing this card, the last one in the deck, feels absolutely perfect. Finding the balance between giving and receiving for me has been a life-long journey. Lately however, it feels like I’ve finally turned a corner with it. I finally have a deep understanding of the necessity of receiving in order to be able to hold the necessary space as a healer, mother, partner and business owner. I resonate so completely with the image of the beautiful woman on this card who is one with the sacred geometry that flows through and around her. She is one with the stardust. There is a flow between herself and all of creation. She is a conduit for flow and movement. She is open and allowing.

Creating a structure for my daily writing practice to exist within has opened me to allowing the flow of my writing. Giving my words voice has allowed them to bubble up and out of me with ease. They are begging to be written and I am acknowledging them and allowing them to move through me. For years my practice was ignoring them. Occasionally I would open a small escape valve, a post here and there, a haiku or poem. But ultimately, my firmly entrenched pattern was one of containing– not allowing.

In the years I spent blocking my writing, I was always very conscious of the fact that I was doing so, but also completely unable to change the practice. I would go through fits and spurts but ultimately there was an intangible fear keeping me from allowing the flow of my words. As I ease ever closer to my wedding day– just two weeks from today, I begin to understand the magnitude of the acknowledgement to the world of my union with my partner. I have known intuitively since I laid eyes on him that we were bound to each other– but there are years that have passed from that moment until now, years of patience and trust. The acknowledgment of our bond to the world allows me to trust myself at the root of my being. It allows me to fully step out from my self-imposed shroud and shine as brilliantly as I possibly can. I can finally say with absolute certainty:



healing, motherpeace, prose, self-reflection, tarot, the daily draw, Uncategorized, writing

creating the practice

Today’s draw is the six of wands from the motherpeace tarot deck by Karen Vogel and Vicki Nobel.

When I was called to draw from the motherpeace deck this morning I prepared myself for a raw and real draw– as motherpeace is good at providing. I’ve drawn from Spiritsong for the last several days and it has a gentle, loving hand even when the cards are reversed. Motherpeace tells it like it is. I was happy to see my old friend the six of wands. She affirms the massive shift in my habits and patterns over the last several weeks, and the last week in particular.

For YEARS I have had the continuous pressing message from the universe to WRITE. I’ve had flirtations with it– and at times the best of intentions. But for the most part I have kept a lid on my words, never giving them shape or form, keeping them silent but persistent– a constant banging in my brain. For the last week I have written and published every single day. I realize a week of writing is not a monumental achievement– but it feels important to acknowledge the small steps. I am creating the practice. And as that practice solidifies, my words take on a life of their own and let me know where they need to go.

These daily draws are difficult for me in the fact that they are far from masterful pieces of writing. However, I recognize that their purpose is not to be masterful. Their purpose is to affirm a practice of meditation, writing and publishing. And they are doing exactly that. They are helping to move me forward in the direction I’ve been wanting to go. They make me feel like I deserve to call myself a writer– because I am active in my practice– and I am exposing my raw, un-masterful underbelly.

The six of wands tells me to keep going. She represents success and affirmation from my community. She is exposing herself to the world, laying herself bare, taking her place in the ring of fire. And it is from her vulnerability that she derives her POWER. I feel a massive shift in my momentum, a turn of the tides where I’m no longer pushing up against my own resistance. I have turned my back to my perceived struggle and am allowing all of the energy I expended upon it to buoy me forward. I am exactly where I need to be.


healing, prose, self-reflection, tarot, Uncategorized, writing

Turning something on its head is often exactly what we need to do

Today’s draw is the Starfish eight of shells reversed from Spiritsong Tarot by Paulina Cassidy

Each time I draw a reversed card I feel like I have failed. As I shuffle the cards, I am so in my head about the draw, and whether it’s going to be upright or reversed, that undeniably the universe is giving me exactly what I need: LOTS OF UPSIDE DOWN CARDS. Get over it, Mandy. Move past it. Having a reversed card does not mean that you’ve failed. Turning something on its head is often EXACTLY what we need to do.

The starfish symbolizes renewal and healing. Starfish have the ability to regenerate limbs, as well as willfully detach limbs, to distract or disengage predators. The message of the reversed starfish is about putting yourself first and not ignoring your own happiness. Fair enough. This is one of my things– a lesson that keeps popping up and refuses to leave me alone until I really am prioritizing myself in all aspects of my life.

As I sit with this card I connect into the ease and flow of water. I feel the gentle, lulling rhythm of the ocean, and I hear the words “forgive yourself.” I could plaster those words across my entire life fittingly. There is no aspect of my life in which I couldn’t use just a little bit of forgiveness from myself. The REVERSED (and that’s okay) starfish reminds me to stay present with ALL of myself, to ground myself not just for the sake of others, but for MYSELF, to disengage from the chatter in my brain, and to forgive myself. Because just like everyone else I am far from perfect and I deserve my own forgiveness.

2nd marriage, healing, love, marriage, prose, self-reflection, the daily draw, Uncategorized, writing

everything is fully illuminated

Today’s draw is Hera from the Goddesses Knowledge Cards painted by Susan Seddon Boulet and written by Michael Babcock.

The full moon illuminating Hera is what strikes me first when connecting to this card– as well as all of the peacock eyes that she is robed in. The card gives me a sense of awareness and transparency. There is nothing hidden. Hera is the queen of the Gods and the Goddess of marriage and family. She was a protector of marriage and made herself a symbol for married women. This feels particularly apropos as I am getting married nineteen days from now and the reality of my pending nuptials is really beginning to hit me.

I got married for the first time at the tender age of twenty three. I was bright-eyed, in love and full of fairy tale stories of marriage. My first marriage brought me exactly the  lessons I needed and allowed me to begin to acknowledge the tiniest bit of my power. Getting married to my first husband made me feel like an adult. It moved me through a stilted rite of passage and helped me to assume a role that I didn’t know how to assume otherwise. It began as an exercise in innocence and ended as a massive wake up call that struck the root of my being. It also produced two incredible human beings whom I have the privilege of calling my children.

This time around is different. One experience does not even begin to resemble the other, like two different people who coincidentally have the same name. There is no fairy tale. The love I share with my partner is consistent and deeply rooted into a vast foundation that we have built together for years. I am a fully grown woman marrying a fully grown man. Everything is fully illuminated and my eyes are WIDE OPEN. This marriage is an acknowledgement of a deep and abiding bond that exists between myself and my partner. I do not have any illusions about what the future holds for us, and I understand that our bond is powerful and worthy of acknowledgement.

The presence of Hera in today’s draw is comforting. The calm and assurance in her full illumination affirm the brightly lit path along which I find myself travelling.

love, motherpeace, prose, self-reflection, tarot, the daily draw, transformation, writing

sunshine and roses are not an everyday occurrence…

Today’s three card draw comes from the Motherpeace tarot deck by Karen Vogel and Vicki Nobel.

seven of swords reversed, 6 of wands right, hanged one left

Last night I did a three card draw from another deck that was serious SUNSHINE and ROSES. It was over the top AMAZING. I made my partner sit while I read all about the AWESOMENESS that described my life. This morning I woke up and checked in about whether that was the draw I should write about. The answer was a clear: NO, DRAW AGAIN.

The Motherpeace deck called to me this morning, so I did my draw of one card to start, seven of swords reversed. Damn. Not one of those sunshine and roses, inspiration abounds, my life is awesome kind of cards. I guess it can’t always be that. My intellect started trying to get involved– “are you sure that’s your draw? Maybe that’s not really it… Maybe you should draw again.”

Nope. That’s the draw, lady. Sunshine and roses are not an everyday occurrence. This is  what’s lying under the surface. And of course, it’s perfect. As I sat with the card, reversed, depicting a fox outside a hen house, I got the clear message that I needed to draw two more cards, and get a little more context. I drew the six of wands turned right, and the hanged one, turned left. The context is helpful– and absolutely spot on.

The seven of swords is that place I find myself moving away from– the feeling of  scarcity and struggle for resources… A lack of trust in myself as a resource– the continuous fight I engage in with the second-guessing chatter in my brain. The six of wands turned right is POWERFUL. It affirms my leadership and power, even as my brain attempts to undermine it. And the hanged one left represents an ambivalence about slowing down and connecting to my inner world. Yes, Yes, and Yes.

I find myself engaged at the moment in a struggle with myself, hanging onto the desire to placate habits and practices that no longer serve any part of me. I am moving through a massive shift in consciousness and the little girl inside of me just wants to feel COMFORTED AND DRINK COFFEE!!!! But when I allow my brain to override all other senses and engage in the habits that no longer serve me– every single cell in my body immediately screams: “STOP IT!!!”

There is a higher purpose to serve. I must remind my little girl that she is SAFE and that safety and comfort are not the same thing. I am no longer a scared, bewildered, insecure little girl and I can TRUST my surroundings implicitly. I have a partner who is able to hold space for and LOVE the craziest, witchiest me– and his presence keeps me continuously smiling. I am doing my work. I am listening, and honoring my highest good. I am taking small steps every day to move me forward. And I don’t need (or really even want) to drink coffee anymore, dammit.

Waking up is not for the faint of heart.

motherpeace, tarot, the daily draw, Uncategorized, writing

to hold and be held

Today’s draw comes from the Motherpeace tarot deck by Karen Vogel and Vicki Nobel.

I’m no tarot wizard, but I can gather information from the internet. This card classically refers to success, and having enough energy and resources to share beyond yourself.

When I sit with this card I am struck by the flow of giving and receiving. There is joy in both. There is an equilibrium between the two. There is a stability and groundedness in this equal exchange. Receiving has been a challenge for me for most of my adult life. My natural tendency as a healer has been to take care of others and give and give and give. I used to feel guilt or shame attached to the idea of receiving or reciprocation– to a point where I gave to others far beyond my resources– depleting myself to fill someone or something else.

The last several years of my life I’ve been asked to take a long, hard look at this pattern and its effect on myself and the things closest to me: my family and my business. I’ve had some big, hard lessons around prioritizing myself over others. What I have come to understand is that I can’t possibly give without first being full. As I truly begin to embody this concept and understand that I AM MY GREATEST RESOURCE, I watch this brilliant equilibrium unfold.

The community that has grown up around me from my original intention of serving and offering others a place of sacred safety– has taken on a life of its own. As I have honored my own needs for support and guidance, and put those needs ahead of everything else, my business’s ability to offer that to others has broadened. The foundation is immeasurably deep and wide. I feel  blessed to go to work each day surrounded by practitioners and clients who are able to understand the importance of nurturing themselves. This card is a beautiful affirmation of the community I was not capable of imagining at its inception. It is far beyond myself and I feel blessed to hold and be held by it.

joy, Uncategorized, writing

beginning my journey in joy…

Today’s draw is from The Sacred Journey Cards by Cheryl Thiele.


So I begin this journey in joy on the full moon in Virgo.

When I breathe the concept of joy into my body I feel lighter and brighter. I think of my family and our capacity for laughter. And from down in the depths of my being I hear the song that I sang as a young girl in Sunday school– “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart…”

As I write this, from the room beneath me comes screams of joy and laughter from my children who are watching their basketball team win. Joy runs through me and around me.

I am joyful for the act of writing this. With joy I release all of my anger and guilt and frustration at myself for not doing or being all the things I believe I should be. With joy I release my own judgment of myself for not being good enough. With joy I am taking small steps forward. With joy I invite each new day full of joyful possibility.

I am grateful and JOYFUL for the opportunity to live this immense and wonderful life.