habits

2nd marriage, healing, love, post a day, prose, self-reflection, the daily draw, Uncategorized, writing

Slightly South of Sacred

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Today’s card comes from The Sacred Journey deck by Cheryl Thiele.

The simple beauty of this card, having moved through my own personal turmoil yesterday is absolutely perfect. The last week or so of my life I’ve moved slightly south of sacred, engaging in old patterns and habits that don’t serve my highest good. I’ve allowed myself to indulge myself in old routines relating to comfort and safety– mostly with my eating habits. I’ve been gentle with myself in this engagement however, acknowledging the massive transition through which I’ve just moved. Occasionally we all need to plunge into the deep waters of old, familiar patterns in order to remind ourselves why we’ve made the conscious choices we have.

I’m just poking my head above the surface of those waters today– and it feels amazing to honor my conscious choices once again– and move away from the old, rutted patterns. If we allow ourselves to honor the sacredness in everything, we give width and breadth to all that surrounds us. I had the most incredible energy session today with a dear client and friend. I have watched her move through so much in such a short period of time. I have seen her claim herself and honor her process in the most sacred, beautiful ways. This card, and the simple beauty of the wings on it reflects the sacredness of her journey. It reflects the sacredness of ALL of our journeys. I am immensely grateful for the honor of bearing witness to so many people’s sacred space.

I honor the sacredness of my body, this amazing vessel that has managed (despite my best efforts to thwart it at every turn) to persevere and grow stronger. I honor the sacredness of my space as my extended container and protector. I honor the sacredness of my children who are (despite the fact that they are children) phenomenal human beings who I am grateful to know. I honor the sacredness of my business as it offers sanctuary and solitude to those who honor its sacredness. I honor the sacredness of my partnership– as it is larger and more powerful than I could possibly be on my own.

For everything sacred, which is everything, I am grateful.

 

healing, post a day, prose, self-reflection, tarot, the daily draw, Uncategorized, writing

Struck by the Stardust

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Today’s draw is the nine of shells reversed from Spiritsong Tarot by Paulina Cassidy.

There’s nothing like a deck of tarot cards to tell it like it is. The shells continue to hit me with their watery magic– and the reversed draw keeps me honest and pokes at what’s underneath the surface. What strikes me first about this card is how perfectly arranged the shells are in front of the penguin and how proud he is of this arrangement. Just like yesterday’s draw, there is an openness and oneness with the world around him– I am struck by the stardust, just as I was in the image yesterday. This card asks me to take a few steps back, gain a little persective. It says, YES, but…

Yes, I am establishing new habits. Yes, I am holding myself accountable. Yes, I am doing a good job. HOWEVER– to what end? There is a smugness and arrogance in the penguin– which is exactly what a reversed nine of shells (cups) connotes. This card reminds me to stay true to my internal motivations, and to stop getting distracted and wrapped up in EXTERNAL VALIDATION. This is the struggle of my insecure little girl, always seeking that approval from whomever is willing to offer it to her.

It reminds me of the perfect interaction I had with my partner a few days ago– after I published my first post on 18 days and counting. He came home from work and walked into the kitchen as I was cooking dinner. I excitedly said, “I’ve already got 150 views on my first post of the new blog!” He hugged me and said calmly, “baby, how many views you have doesn’t matter, it’s the fact that you published it… AND– that’s AWESOME that you have that many views already.” He re-framed it for me perfectly. And he’s absolutely right, just like this sweet, smug reversed little penguin. I must keep myself in check and remember that although I’m doing a good job– I’m just at the VERY beginning of these new practices. There is SO MUCH TIME that I have to continue putting in consistently not for the feedback I receive from others, but for the growth that I’m allowing myself.

There’s also a beautiful symbolism in the penguin– who flies in the water as opposed to the air. The water, that is so consistently calling me to connect with it, invites me in with the penguin, but acknowledges my fear with the reversed draw. The penguin also is a symbol of balance, being a creature who lives in both Arctic as well as hot climates. That duality is also expressed in the diametric opposition of black and white on its body. It symbolizes the ability to handle and hold space for duality to exist, holding the balance and equilibrium between giving and receiving which is such a present part of my journey. Both penguin and reversed nine of shells also give the message to connect to family– which is beyond appropriate at this juncture for me.

This draw is humbling. I’m reminding myself WHY I’m engaging in this practice and how it is truly benefiting me. (And it has nothing to do with my number of views). I’m engaging in this consistent practice of meditating, writing and publishing because I am a healer and writer, and it is my work. Just like any other discipline, the most important part of it is TIME IN. All the other stuff that comes along with it is just icing on the cake.

 

joy, love, marriage, post a day, prose, the daily draw, Uncategorized, writing

the MAGNITUDE of ACKNOWLEDGMENT

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Today’s draw is from Sacred Geometry Cards for the Visionary Path by Francene Hart

I had completely forgotten that this deck existed until this morning. I found myself in a neglected corner of my house, one that used to be an altar space that is now a dumping ground for randomness, asking myself “what am I looking for?” BOOM these cards called out to me, greeting  me like a long-lost friend. I remembered buying them out at one of our favorite bookstores on the coast over a year ago and using them just once to create an altar for our family. I immediately disassembled the altar (an untended altar is no altar at all) and made the deck whole again. I didn’t even check in with my other decks. This was the deck for today’s draw.

Drawing this card, the last one in the deck, feels absolutely perfect. Finding the balance between giving and receiving for me has been a life-long journey. Lately however, it feels like I’ve finally turned a corner with it. I finally have a deep understanding of the necessity of receiving in order to be able to hold the necessary space as a healer, mother, partner and business owner. I resonate so completely with the image of the beautiful woman on this card who is one with the sacred geometry that flows through and around her. She is one with the stardust. There is a flow between herself and all of creation. She is a conduit for flow and movement. She is open and allowing.

Creating a structure for my daily writing practice to exist within has opened me to allowing the flow of my writing. Giving my words voice has allowed them to bubble up and out of me with ease. They are begging to be written and I am acknowledging them and allowing them to move through me. For years my practice was ignoring them. Occasionally I would open a small escape valve, a post here and there, a haiku or poem. But ultimately, my firmly entrenched pattern was one of containing– not allowing.

In the years I spent blocking my writing, I was always very conscious of the fact that I was doing so, but also completely unable to change the practice. I would go through fits and spurts but ultimately there was an intangible fear keeping me from allowing the flow of my words. As I ease ever closer to my wedding day– just two weeks from today, I begin to understand the magnitude of the acknowledgement to the world of my union with my partner. I have known intuitively since I laid eyes on him that we were bound to each other– but there are years that have passed from that moment until now, years of patience and trust. The acknowledgment of our bond to the world allows me to trust myself at the root of my being. It allows me to fully step out from my self-imposed shroud and shine as brilliantly as I possibly can. I can finally say with absolute certainty:

I TRUST MYSELF.

I AM SAFE.

healing, motherpeace, prose, self-reflection, tarot, the daily draw, Uncategorized, writing

creating the practice

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Today’s draw is the six of wands from the motherpeace tarot deck by Karen Vogel and Vicki Nobel.

When I was called to draw from the motherpeace deck this morning I prepared myself for a raw and real draw– as motherpeace is good at providing. I’ve drawn from Spiritsong for the last several days and it has a gentle, loving hand even when the cards are reversed. Motherpeace tells it like it is. I was happy to see my old friend the six of wands. She affirms the massive shift in my habits and patterns over the last several weeks, and the last week in particular.

For YEARS I have had the continuous pressing message from the universe to WRITE. I’ve had flirtations with it– and at times the best of intentions. But for the most part I have kept a lid on my words, never giving them shape or form, keeping them silent but persistent– a constant banging in my brain. For the last week I have written and published every single day. I realize a week of writing is not a monumental achievement– but it feels important to acknowledge the small steps. I am creating the practice. And as that practice solidifies, my words take on a life of their own and let me know where they need to go.

These daily draws are difficult for me in the fact that they are far from masterful pieces of writing. However, I recognize that their purpose is not to be masterful. Their purpose is to affirm a practice of meditation, writing and publishing. And they are doing exactly that. They are helping to move me forward in the direction I’ve been wanting to go. They make me feel like I deserve to call myself a writer– because I am active in my practice– and I am exposing my raw, un-masterful underbelly.

The six of wands tells me to keep going. She represents success and affirmation from my community. She is exposing herself to the world, laying herself bare, taking her place in the ring of fire. And it is from her vulnerability that she derives her POWER. I feel a massive shift in my momentum, a turn of the tides where I’m no longer pushing up against my own resistance. I have turned my back to my perceived struggle and am allowing all of the energy I expended upon it to buoy me forward. I am exactly where I need to be.

 

love, motherpeace, prose, self-reflection, tarot, the daily draw, transformation, writing

sunshine and roses are not an everyday occurrence…

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Today’s three card draw comes from the Motherpeace tarot deck by Karen Vogel and Vicki Nobel.

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seven of swords reversed, 6 of wands right, hanged one left

Last night I did a three card draw from another deck that was serious SUNSHINE and ROSES. It was over the top AMAZING. I made my partner sit while I read all about the AWESOMENESS that described my life. This morning I woke up and checked in about whether that was the draw I should write about. The answer was a clear: NO, DRAW AGAIN.

The Motherpeace deck called to me this morning, so I did my draw of one card to start, seven of swords reversed. Damn. Not one of those sunshine and roses, inspiration abounds, my life is awesome kind of cards. I guess it can’t always be that. My intellect started trying to get involved– “are you sure that’s your draw? Maybe that’s not really it… Maybe you should draw again.”

Nope. That’s the draw, lady. Sunshine and roses are not an everyday occurrence. This is  what’s lying under the surface. And of course, it’s perfect. As I sat with the card, reversed, depicting a fox outside a hen house, I got the clear message that I needed to draw two more cards, and get a little more context. I drew the six of wands turned right, and the hanged one, turned left. The context is helpful– and absolutely spot on.

The seven of swords is that place I find myself moving away from– the feeling of  scarcity and struggle for resources… A lack of trust in myself as a resource– the continuous fight I engage in with the second-guessing chatter in my brain. The six of wands turned right is POWERFUL. It affirms my leadership and power, even as my brain attempts to undermine it. And the hanged one left represents an ambivalence about slowing down and connecting to my inner world. Yes, Yes, and Yes.

I find myself engaged at the moment in a struggle with myself, hanging onto the desire to placate habits and practices that no longer serve any part of me. I am moving through a massive shift in consciousness and the little girl inside of me just wants to feel COMFORTED AND DRINK COFFEE!!!! But when I allow my brain to override all other senses and engage in the habits that no longer serve me– every single cell in my body immediately screams: “STOP IT!!!”

There is a higher purpose to serve. I must remind my little girl that she is SAFE and that safety and comfort are not the same thing. I am no longer a scared, bewildered, insecure little girl and I can TRUST my surroundings implicitly. I have a partner who is able to hold space for and LOVE the craziest, witchiest me– and his presence keeps me continuously smiling. I am doing my work. I am listening, and honoring my highest good. I am taking small steps every day to move me forward. And I don’t need (or really even want) to drink coffee anymore, dammit.

Waking up is not for the faint of heart.