to hold and be held

Today’s draw comes from the Motherpeace tarot deck by Karen Vogel and Vicki Nobel.

I’m no tarot wizard, but I can gather information from the internet. This card classically refers to success, and having enough energy and resources to share beyond yourself.

When I sit with this card I am struck by the flow of giving and receiving. There is joy in both. There is an equilibrium between the two. There is a stability and groundedness in this equal exchange. Receiving has been a challenge for me for most of my adult life. My natural tendency as a healer has been to take care of others and give and give and give. I used to feel guilt or shame attached to the idea of receiving or reciprocation– to a point where I gave to others far beyond my resources– depleting myself to fill someone or something else.

The last several years of my life I’ve been asked to take a long, hard look at this pattern and its effect on myself and the things closest to me: my family and my business. I’ve had some big, hard lessons around prioritizing myself over others. What I have come to understand is that I can’t possibly give without first being full. As I truly begin to embody this concept and understand that I AM MY GREATEST RESOURCE, I watch this brilliant equilibrium unfold.

The community that has grown up around me from my original intention of serving and offering others a place of sacred safety– has taken on a life of its own. As I have honored my own needs for support and guidance, and put those needs ahead of everything else, my business’s ability to offer that to others has broadened. The foundation is immeasurably deep and wide. I feel  blessed to go to work each day surrounded by practitioners and clients who are able to understand the importance of nurturing themselves. This card is a beautiful affirmation of the community I was not capable of imagining at its inception. It is far beyond myself and I feel blessed to hold and be held by it.


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