This is another brilliant new deck that just arrived at my door yesterday– the Unicorn is my first pull from it. Each day for me at the moment is a practice in trust and allowance. Though there was no specific question I asked as I shuffled the deck and drew this brilliant creature from it– what tends to be at the forefront of my mind these days is my new path forward. I am acknowledging a shift in consciousness, an enlivening and awakening of my truest self. I am doing the best I can to get out of my own way and open myself up to a larger context. I am asking the thoughts and inner-narrative that drive my worries and fears to take a back seat so that a larger perspective can be gleaned.
As I connect to the unicorn in meditation I am drawn to my third eye, my intuition and knowing. It leads me forward down an endless, spiraling cosmic tunnel and asks me to follow without question. This spiraling meditation of uncertain certainty is one that I will continue to engage with. The unicorn asks me give myself the trust that others bestow upon me. She asks me to BELIEVE in what I see when my eyes are closed. And KNOW what is beyond my ability to reason or articulate. She encourages me to allow my visions to unfold– to acknowledge their power and give them life beyond the confines of my mind. She asks me to acknowledge my limits are defined only by myself. She encourages me to continue to see far BEYOND reason.
This card fortells of a journey– setting out to shores unknown, a new beginning. This is precisely where I find myself, letting go of the comforting and familiar to set forth into a new paradigm. Drawing it in reverse clearly illustrates my trepidation about this journey.
In describing the reversed status of this card, fountain tarot speaks of a stubborn self-reliance and relying on old patterns of behavior that prevent progress. Yes, Yes, and Y-E-S.
Jumping off of a precipice into unknown waters is SCARY. I am human and not immune to fear. As I do my best to TRUST my process and myself within it, I also acknowledge that I AM MY LARGEST OBSTACLE– and that it’s okay (and absolutely perfect) to be afraid.
I am doing my best to acknowledge my own self-sabotage and recognize old patterns that are no longer serving me. I TRUST myself and my path as it unfolds in front of me. I am ready for this NEW BEGINNING.
I did a five card spread before my daily draw today. The hanged man appeared in it as well. As I sat in meditation with this brilliant image in front of me– I saw myself much like the hanged man, my roots extending down into the center of the earth, spreading wide, and my crown lifting out into the cosmos into the vast expanse of what is beyond. Linking into the infinite I felt immediately the sense of being held from all directions. I felt fear present in my third chakra. I expanded out from my center and allowed it to disperse into the support that held me. My awareness then moved to a deep aching in my heart. In connecting to it I had flashes of my brilliant daughter as a little girl. I felt the human aching of my guilt at not being perfect and not always being present with her. I allowed myself to feel and release the immense guilt I feel as a mother for not being EVERYTHING, all the time. I continued to allow the energy of the universe to hold me.
I find myself butting up against the tiniest pieces of myself of late. I’m turning towards old patterns of fear and staying small because to be perfectly honest, I AM TERRIFIED. I am terrified of what lies ahead. I’m terrified of becoming bigger. I’m terrified of allowing my perspective to move through my voice and out into the world. I’m terrified of what this process is opening up. I want to be comforted and given assurances that everything is okay. I want to cling to what is familiar, stop dead in my tracks, and move back into my well-worn rut.
Instead, what I have is the assurance that I am HELD (in all directions and from all sides), and that it is time for me to turn my world upside down. It is time to release my small thoughts and disperse the tiny pieces of guilt and shame that keep me small and grasping for comfort. I am ready to confront the terror of what exposure and expansion present. I am quaking with fear and I’m not ashamed to tell the world:
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S COMING NEXT, and IT SCARES ME TO DEATH.
One week ago I drew this same card. Again I begin my week with a vast horizon in front of me. I am being ask to step up and into something entirely new and unknown. This card speaks of abandoning the familiar and trusting the foundation in order to move forward and create anew. As I sit with it in meditation I feel a calmness. This image is comforting. It is the forward journey into the unknown that feels absolutely undeniable.
I leave behind the constructs of the past that have held me down and kept me believing I was smaller and less capable than I am. I let go of the belief that there are limits to what and how I can achieve. I fully invest in the exponential expansion of myself as my most powerful and productive resource. I am ready to call in the power of my voice and all that comes with it.
Drawing this card of 13 moons on Friday the 13th feels auspicious. Sitting with this card in meditation today I feel a calm, grounded centering. This morning is a slow, deliberate meditation in and of itself. There is ample time to take for myself and my entire family is here, the kids without school today, and both my husband and I have free morning schedules. There is an ease to waking and moving through the luxury of owning our time. As I gaze from where I am sitting in the front of my home I look to the back wall of our bedroom to a meditating buddha illuminated in golden light.
Yesterday I had an incredibly renewing session with my healer, reclaiming lost pieces of my voice from many previous lifetimes. There is an ease to the flow of energy through my body this morning that is in stark contrast to the dancing energy in my third chakra present in my meditations the two previous days. There is a flow all the way up and out of my crown.
The concept of allowing goals in relationship to my newly reformed, stronger, clearer voice is perfectly appealing. I left my healing session yesterday with the clarity of knowing that there is a new structure asking to be created around my writing. There is a story-telling aspect to my writing life and the different blogs I have created to foster it that is wanting acknowledgment and a more precise structure. There is a carving out of time and energy that is asking for clarification. This card, in conjunction with Monday’s looming new moon is the perfect affirmation that these goals are emerging as a part of my process. My job is to continue moving forward and TRUSTING MY PROCESS.