So today I’m sideways as opposed to upside down. I suppose that’s progress…
Sitting in meditation today after drawing this card, my attention was drawn to my heart chakra. I felt massive pressure there, like a huge bubble welling up– wanting to be released but also needing to be felt. I sat with the bubble, connecting to my root and my crown, drawing light into my heart from both directions. I allowed emotion to move, tears streaming down my cheeks. As it flowed, the bubble began to disperse and turn into refracted light, like a sunset spreading wide across my chest, looking exactly like the image in this picture.
This image inspires hope for me. The butterfly beckons me out of my familiar and comfortable rut. In reading about this card, it being turned right is a sign of pushing an action or idea. That resonates. BIG TIME.
Yesterday in acknowledging my terror, I acknowledged also the comfort in pushing. My modus operandi throughout my entire adult life is to push forward and through. There’s something very comforting in the effort of the push. It helps me feel life I’m doing something– the struggle makes me feel alive. In this image the immense beauty is her effortlessness. She is poised and balanced and HELD from all directions, just as she emanates in all directions. The image is exactly what I felt in meditation yesterday… to hold and be held.
“Wow” is what I uttered as I drew this card from the deck this morning. The stark beauty of this image is striking. As I sit with this card in meditation, I immediately feel my spine elongating– a flow of energy moving out from my crown chakra. Then my attention, like yesterday, comes to my third chakra, which feels as if it’s rhythmically dancing. Sitting with the image there is a feeling of unity– of drawing together things that seem separate– but are not. The illumination of the full moon, shining on the naked figure is a revelation of openness. There is a peace– while acknowledging struggle, a resolve to being in what could be defined as a state of limbo.
Swords represent the element of Air. This is the second day I’ve drawn a sword– it seems I’m moving away from the emotion of watery cups and into the more active, changing element of air. The dancing in my third chakra portends a large shift is on its way. If the work I’ve been doing with my clients of late is any indication (and it always is)– there is a massive clearing of my throat chakra in process. (Not to mention the fact that I’ve been clearing my throat continuously for the last five days). Every piece of me feels poised for this next big shift. I feel as though I’m balancing on a precipice– ready to take flight.
I trust my resources and all that I am surrounded by to help carry me forward. I am strong and resilient and poised to exponentially EXPAND.
As I sit in meditation with this lovely ray of sunshine– I am drawn to my center. I feel the hum and glow of my third chakra– and feel the warmth of it moving into my heart. There is a peace and calm emanating. In connecting with the image of this Queen– I feel an openness and confidence– a unique and grounded forward trajectory. Awakening today, I continue to move into my newness. More of me is present. I feel as if I’ve been cocooned for the last several months– and finally I’ve stepped out into the light, ALL of me– for the first time in a LONG time.
Several days ago I went through a bunch of old photo albums that my mom was letting go of. I removed from them a treasure trove of pictures, mostly of little me, that I wanted to keep and brought them home. The little being I feel most drawn to is my two year old self. She is wildly fierce and unapologetic. She shines brilliantly and confidently. As I reconnect to her I allow her to awaken– and am certain that she a is a large part of the newness in me.
I created an altar of sorts for her on our refrigerator with magnets and magnetic poetry haikus. There is a deep process of reincorporation that is occurring for me, an engagement into a rooted and cellular trust. As I reincorporate my sunny, carefree, baby girl I understand on a cellular level that it is safe to fully express myself. It is challenging to find the words to convey this transformation that is actively occurring– but I will endeavor to continue doing so. I am grateful I’m allowing myself the space to try.
I just got this amazing new deck yesterday. It makes me feel like it’s my birthday and Christmas morning and all the happy things rolled into one. I could spend hours just sitting with these cards. Another awesome bonus is they have silver edges and shuffling them leaves my hands sparkly. What a perfect metaphor– this deck leaves me sparkly. And those who know me well (or even not-so-well) are probably aware that I’ve got a thing for sparkles.
I sat in meditation for a bit before drawing this card, reflecting on the new beginning that this morning feels like. I plugged in my apple watch just before drawing the card– it has been dormant for two weeks now– since the day I was married. Yes, it’s been two weeks since we made it official. (At some point I promise I’ll stop talking about it– but at the moment it’s still really feeling pertinent).
This draw is all about new beginnings– which is precisely what today feels like. Today I’m re-entering my body in a conscious physical way. (I have literally done no conscious exercise in the last three weeks– and in just a few minutes I’m headed off to a Pilates class.) I am re-entering my home and clearing out all of the debris that is no longer relevant. I am re-entering my life as a bigger, better, more powerful, married ME.
Yesterday I did not draw, nor did I write. I laid in bed ALL DAY LONG. I went to bed the night before well aware that my body was fighting– but with the hope that I might be able to “sleep it off.” Sleep it off, I did not. I woke up a couple of hours into my sleep with a RAGING sore throat. I tried all of my witchy remedies. I wrapped my neck in a scarf, poured a Chinese linament on my throat, and secured a rose quartz stone in between the scarf and myself– well aware that my 6:15 am class was not something I was going to be able to “push through.” At 3 am I texted my clients to let them know they could get some extra sleep in the morning– and tried to do the same.
My body is moving through its cycle. It’s done such an incredible job over the last month, moving forward, pushing through, getting it done. It is acknowledging its breaking point– forcing me to take a knee. And just thirty six hours later, having taken that knee, I feel much better.
Today’s card is all about those cycles that are inherently present in our lives that we are continuously moving through. There are the constant and continuous cycles that are always present, the waxing and waning of the moon, the changing of the seasons. Then there are those larger, personal cycles, birthdays, graduations, acknowledging changes in relationships, GETTING MARRIED and such.
There is a massive purge that has been building and insinuating itself for MONTHS in my home. This space is bursting at the seams. It is BEGGING to be toppled and rebuilt. I have been keeping it at bay for the last two weeks. It’s as if it is a living, breathing thing and it’s aware that the wedding is OVER– and pestering me to PAY ATTENTION to it. This weekend there is finally time to be given to completing a cycle in OUR home. Yes, technically it has been OUR home for almost three years now– but everything is different now. There is an ownership that WE have over this space that trumps anything previous.
I honor the sacredness of this new beginning we are making as a family of four. I honor the closing of the cycle as our family of three. I honor this space as our sacred container and can’t wait to dive in this weekend and MAKE it SING!!!!