As I sit with it in meditation I feel a bubbling up of excitement and joy through my body. I have spent the last several days navigating my resistance, acknowledging my terror, and allowing myself to be held– and this card feels like the perfect reward for my diligent work.
My mother, daughter and I had a ceremony yesterday for my Grandmother (my mother’s mother). She died when I was three, and I have one memory of her lying in a hospital bed with tubes in her nose. It was a terrifying image for a three year old, and one that is emblazoned in my brain. My mother has carried her ashes around for the last 38 years.
Yesterday she finally unburdened herself– and this card speaks to a rebirth of our lineage. We brought my grandmother’s ashes down to the Willamette river and scattered them there– sending her out to the Pacific. It was simple and easy. My mom showed my daughter pictures of her mother. She recounted simple stories about who her mother was, and the struggles she encountered. We set her spirit free– and released ourselves from her struggles.
Today all of us step forward on a new path. It is a rebirth for each of us as individuals and for our lineage. The four of us share the name Louise, which means “renowned warrior.” All four of us have an intense fight within us– the fire in this image perfectly depicts our nature. As we move forward we carry the fierce warrior with us but release the struggle. We allow ourselves to be held and supported. We honor the struggle that came before us– and balance the intensity of our fire with the movement and continuous flow of water.
I just got this amazing new deck yesterday. It makes me feel like it’s my birthday and Christmas morning and all the happy things rolled into one. I could spend hours just sitting with these cards. Another awesome bonus is they have silver edges and shuffling them leaves my hands sparkly. What a perfect metaphor– this deck leaves me sparkly. And those who know me well (or even not-so-well) are probably aware that I’ve got a thing for sparkles.
I sat in meditation for a bit before drawing this card, reflecting on the new beginning that this morning feels like. I plugged in my apple watch just before drawing the card– it has been dormant for two weeks now– since the day I was married. Yes, it’s been two weeks since we made it official. (At some point I promise I’ll stop talking about it– but at the moment it’s still really feeling pertinent).
This draw is all about new beginnings– which is precisely what today feels like. Today I’m re-entering my body in a conscious physical way. (I have literally done no conscious exercise in the last three weeks– and in just a few minutes I’m headed off to a Pilates class.) I am re-entering my home and clearing out all of the debris that is no longer relevant. I am re-entering my life as a bigger, better, more powerful, married ME.
I had completely forgotten that this deck existed until this morning. I found myself in a neglected corner of my house, one that used to be an altar space that is now a dumping ground for randomness, asking myself “what am I looking for?” BOOM these cards called out to me, greeting me like a long-lost friend. I remembered buying them out at one of our favorite bookstores on the coast over a year ago and using them just once to create an altar for our family. I immediately disassembled the altar (an untended altar is no altar at all) and made the deck whole again. I didn’t even check in with my other decks. This was the deck for today’s draw.
Drawing this card, the last one in the deck, feels absolutely perfect. Finding the balance between giving and receiving for me has been a life-long journey. Lately however, it feels like I’ve finally turned a corner with it. I finally have a deep understanding of the necessity of receiving in order to be able to hold the necessary space as a healer, mother, partner and business owner. I resonate so completely with the image of the beautiful woman on this card who is one with the sacred geometry that flows through and around her. She is one with the stardust. There is a flow between herself and all of creation. She is a conduit for flow and movement. She is open and allowing.
Creating a structure for my daily writing practice to exist within has opened me to allowing the flow of my writing. Giving my words voice has allowed them to bubble up and out of me with ease. They are begging to be written and I am acknowledging them and allowing them to move through me. For years my practice was ignoring them. Occasionally I would open a small escape valve, a post here and there, a haiku or poem. But ultimately, my firmly entrenched pattern was one of containing– not allowing.
In the years I spent blocking my writing, I was always very conscious of the fact that I was doing so, but also completely unable to change the practice. I would go through fits and spurts but ultimately there was an intangible fear keeping me from allowing the flow of my words. As I ease ever closer to my wedding day– just two weeks from today, I begin to understand the magnitude of the acknowledgement to the world of my union with my partner. I have known intuitively since I laid eyes on him that we were bound to each other– but there are years that have passed from that moment until now, years of patience and trust. The acknowledgment of our bond to the world allows me to trust myself at the root of my being. It allows me to fully step out from my self-imposed shroud and shine as brilliantly as I possibly can. I can finally say with absolute certainty:
I woke up this morning to the sounds of birds in the tree outside my window. “Those are springtime birds,” said the voice in my head. The world feels alive and radiant this morning– and this card reflects that radiance perfectly. As I sat in meditation with this card I heard a chicken in my backyard laying an egg. Life springs forth all around me– and I feel I am no exception– I am bursting forth with LIFE!!!
The image on this card feels three dimensional– her joyful leap propelling her off the card and into unknown adventures. She is flanked by a unicorn and three cranes– all emanating youthful exuberance. Behind her is a cave, flowers by the unobscured entrance– making it feel to me like an opportunity, a portal to wherever she chooses to bound towards. She’s also making noise with every move she makes, bangles on both her wrists and ankles. She is unapologetic and truly allowing her path to unfold joyfully before her.
I rejoice in this card and am honored to have drawn it. Each new day I am leaping forward into life which I am continuously creating.
Today’s draw is from The Sacred Journey Cards by Cheryl Thiele.
So I begin this journey in joy on the full moon in Virgo.
When I breathe the concept of joy into my body I feel lighter and brighter. I think of my family and our capacity for laughter. And from down in the depths of my being I hear the song that I sang as a young girl in Sunday school– “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart…”
As I write this, from the room beneath me comes screams of joy and laughter from my children who are watching their basketball team win. Joy runs through me and around me.
I am joyful for the act of writing this. With joy I release all of my anger and guilt and frustration at myself for not doing or being all the things I believe I should be. With joy I release my own judgment of myself for not being good enough. With joy I am taking small steps forward. With joy I invite each new day full of joyful possibility.
I am grateful and JOYFUL for the opportunity to live this immense and wonderful life.