healing, post a day, prose, self-reflection, tarot, the daily draw, Uncategorized, writing

Struck by the Stardust

Today’s draw is the nine of shells reversed from Spiritsong Tarot by Paulina Cassidy.

There’s nothing like a deck of tarot cards to tell it like it is. The shells continue to hit me with their watery magic– and the reversed draw keeps me honest and pokes at what’s underneath the surface. What strikes me first about this card is how perfectly arranged the shells are in front of the penguin and how proud he is of this arrangement. Just like yesterday’s draw, there is an openness and oneness with the world around him– I am struck by the stardust, just as I was in the image yesterday. This card asks me to take a few steps back, gain a little persective. It says, YES, but…

Yes, I am establishing new habits. Yes, I am holding myself accountable. Yes, I am doing a good job. HOWEVER– to what end? There is a smugness and arrogance in the penguin– which is exactly what a reversed nine of shells (cups) connotes. This card reminds me to stay true to my internal motivations, and to stop getting distracted and wrapped up in EXTERNAL VALIDATION. This is the struggle of my insecure little girl, always seeking that approval from whomever is willing to offer it to her.

It reminds me of the perfect interaction I had with my partner a few days ago– after I published my first post on 18 days and counting. He came home from work and walked into the kitchen as I was cooking dinner. I excitedly said, “I’ve already got 150 views on my first post of the new blog!” He hugged me and said calmly, “baby, how many views you have doesn’t matter, it’s the fact that you published it… AND– that’s AWESOME that you have that many views already.” He re-framed it for me perfectly. And he’s absolutely right, just like this sweet, smug reversed little penguin. I must keep myself in check and remember that although I’m doing a good job– I’m just at the VERY beginning of these new practices. There is SO MUCH TIME that I have to continue putting in consistently not for the feedback I receive from others, but for the growth that I’m allowing myself.

There’s also a beautiful symbolism in the penguin– who flies in the water as opposed to the air. The water, that is so consistently calling me to connect with it, invites me in with the penguin, but acknowledges my fear with the reversed draw. The penguin also is a symbol of balance, being a creature who lives in both Arctic as well as hot climates. That duality is also expressed in the diametric opposition of black and white on its body. It symbolizes the ability to handle and hold space for duality to exist, holding the balance and equilibrium between giving and receiving which is such a present part of my journey. Both penguin and reversed nine of shells also give the message to connect to family– which is beyond appropriate at this juncture for me.

This draw is humbling. I’m reminding myself WHY I’m engaging in this practice and how it is truly benefiting me. (And it has nothing to do with my number of views). I’m engaging in this consistent practice of meditating, writing and publishing because I am a healer and writer, and it is my work. Just like any other discipline, the most important part of it is TIME IN. All the other stuff that comes along with it is just icing on the cake.


healing, prose, self-reflection, tarot, the daily draw, transformation, Uncategorized, writing

the balance i am seeking

Today’s draw is the Knight of Shells from Spiritsong Tarot by Paulina Cassidy.

I am certainly beginning to notice a theme with the shells, this being the third shell I’ve drawn in the last four days. Shells are equivalent to cups in other tarot decks. They represent the element of water and are tied to the energy of emotions and imagination. The water theme seems particularly relevant to me as I have just in the last couple of months made a deep connection to water, after spending a lifetime being ruled by FIRE (and being fairly terrified of water).

When I was a small child, under the age of ten, we had a pool in our back yard. I can remember at one point as a very young, probably 3 year old child being deathly afraid of the water, clinging to my mother desperately anytime I went anywhere near it. And then because of that pool and my daily summer adventures in it, I gradually let go of that fear and began to embrace the ease and flow of being one with the water. I turned into a water bug, pushing myself to extend the amount of time I could hold my breath, turning myself around and around doing underwater somersaults– trying to continuously push past my previous count.

Then at the end of the summer before my sixth grade year we were having a big party and one of my brother’s friends was vacuuming the pool in preparation and ripped a hole in the bottom of the lining. There went our pool, and with it my comfort and trust of the water slowly faded. To this day I have an intangible fear of water. I am a competent swimmer– but have a deeply rooted irrational fear of being in water. I’m working on it, and as strange as it may seem, these shell cards seem to be helping.

The first thing that strikes me about this card is how grounded the flamingo is in the water. It is exactly the balance I am striving for as I attempt to incorporate the element of water with my fiery undercurrents. Unlike the other two shell cards I have drawn, this card feels like it blends a rooted stability and the allowance of the flow of currents. It affirms the balance I am seeking in all aspects of myself, emotion and intellect, masculine and feminine, giving and receiving, holding on and letting go…