Yesterday I did not draw, nor did I write. I laid in bed ALL DAY LONG. I went to bed the night before well aware that my body was fighting– but with the hope that I might be able to “sleep it off.” Sleep it off, I did not. I woke up a couple of hours into my sleep with a RAGING sore throat. I tried all of my witchy remedies. I wrapped my neck in a scarf, poured a Chinese linament on my throat, and secured a rose quartz stone in between the scarf and myself– well aware that my 6:15 am class was not something I was going to be able to “push through.” At 3 am I texted my clients to let them know they could get some extra sleep in the morning– and tried to do the same.
My body is moving through its cycle. It’s done such an incredible job over the last month, moving forward, pushing through, getting it done. It is acknowledging its breaking point– forcing me to take a knee. And just thirty six hours later, having taken that knee, I feel much better.
Today’s card is all about those cycles that are inherently present in our lives that we are continuously moving through. There are the constant and continuous cycles that are always present, the waxing and waning of the moon, the changing of the seasons. Then there are those larger, personal cycles, birthdays, graduations, acknowledging changes in relationships, GETTING MARRIED and such.
There is a massive purge that has been building and insinuating itself for MONTHS in my home. This space is bursting at the seams. It is BEGGING to be toppled and rebuilt. I have been keeping it at bay for the last two weeks. It’s as if it is a living, breathing thing and it’s aware that the wedding is OVER– and pestering me to PAY ATTENTION to it. This weekend there is finally time to be given to completing a cycle in OUR home. Yes, technically it has been OUR home for almost three years now– but everything is different now. There is an ownership that WE have over this space that trumps anything previous.
I honor the sacredness of this new beginning we are making as a family of four. I honor the closing of the cycle as our family of three. I honor this space as our sacred container and can’t wait to dive in this weekend and MAKE it SING!!!!
I had completely forgotten that this deck existed until this morning. I found myself in a neglected corner of my house, one that used to be an altar space that is now a dumping ground for randomness, asking myself “what am I looking for?” BOOM these cards called out to me, greeting me like a long-lost friend. I remembered buying them out at one of our favorite bookstores on the coast over a year ago and using them just once to create an altar for our family. I immediately disassembled the altar (an untended altar is no altar at all) and made the deck whole again. I didn’t even check in with my other decks. This was the deck for today’s draw.
Drawing this card, the last one in the deck, feels absolutely perfect. Finding the balance between giving and receiving for me has been a life-long journey. Lately however, it feels like I’ve finally turned a corner with it. I finally have a deep understanding of the necessity of receiving in order to be able to hold the necessary space as a healer, mother, partner and business owner. I resonate so completely with the image of the beautiful woman on this card who is one with the sacred geometry that flows through and around her. She is one with the stardust. There is a flow between herself and all of creation. She is a conduit for flow and movement. She is open and allowing.
Creating a structure for my daily writing practice to exist within has opened me to allowing the flow of my writing. Giving my words voice has allowed them to bubble up and out of me with ease. They are begging to be written and I am acknowledging them and allowing them to move through me. For years my practice was ignoring them. Occasionally I would open a small escape valve, a post here and there, a haiku or poem. But ultimately, my firmly entrenched pattern was one of containing– not allowing.
In the years I spent blocking my writing, I was always very conscious of the fact that I was doing so, but also completely unable to change the practice. I would go through fits and spurts but ultimately there was an intangible fear keeping me from allowing the flow of my words. As I ease ever closer to my wedding day– just two weeks from today, I begin to understand the magnitude of the acknowledgement to the world of my union with my partner. I have known intuitively since I laid eyes on him that we were bound to each other– but there are years that have passed from that moment until now, years of patience and trust. The acknowledgment of our bond to the world allows me to trust myself at the root of my being. It allows me to fully step out from my self-imposed shroud and shine as brilliantly as I possibly can. I can finally say with absolute certainty: