The Scorpio full moon had a large effect on all aspects of my family. Drawing the son of cups this morning I sat with it and immediately felt an opening in my heart and throat chakras. The question in the back of my mind since I awoke this morning was “how do I keep my mind from worry?” I felt quickly that the son of cups represented my husband.
We have been married for a little over a month now. As each day passes a deeper shedding and opening occurs. The solidifying of our union allows both of us an access to more power. We have closed other doors, and opened this one WIDE. Our energies are more focused and deliberate. We are allowing ourselves to love one another and occupy our love fully.
I drew a second card for further guidance on the first. These two cards create a harmony, representing the symmetry of our partnership. The son of cups has an energetic drawing up, while temperance is grounding. There is a romantic and idealistic sense that the watery, emotional son of cups exudes that temperance gently balances, with the union of fire and water. These cards feel to me like a reminder to utilize the power and energy our sacrament offers us.
Our whole is far greater than the sum of its parts.
Two days later my old friend is back again, reversed, just to keep me honest.
In connecting with this card this morning I felt an instant release of emotion– my heart and my throat chakras releasing into sobs immediately. At first, my intellect was bewildered. Aren’t I doing a good job? Am I seeking external validation? What am I doing WRONG? BINGO. That question in and of itself is my answer.
Yesterday there was some drama in the studio. I was with a client in a private movement session and another instructor was teaching a mat class in the front room. I was completely engrossed in my work with my client when one of the mat class students burst into the equipment room, distressed, and said, “Mandy, can you come in here? something is wrong.” I looked into the next room to see the instructor, my dear friend and colleague, sitting on the floor shaking uncontrollably. I moved away from my client and over to her instantly. I sat with her and helped her ground. I told her she was exactly where she needed to be and that everything was alright.
She has a condition called Addison’s disease. Her body does not produce cortisol, the stress hormone. There are so many small chemical regulations that our bodies are continuously processing that we take for granted– sugars, salts, minerals, hormones. When any one of these small things is off in her body the effects can be catastrophic– it can leave her feeling dizzy, nauseous, and unable to function like a normal human being. It can also make her feel terrified. That’s what she was yesterday. TERRIFIED.
There’s that word again.
I am the woman you want around in a crisis. I will jump to action. I will stay calm. I will remain grounded. It’s what I was made for. In that moment of crisis my entire energy field surrounded the studio and everyone in it in a big bubble of safety. What was important to me above anything else was that she and everyone else in the studio felt safe and taken care of. I may have over-extended myself a bit.
We moved through the trauma, called an ambulance to usher her to the hospital where they could give her fluids and monitor all of her levels. My brilliant assistant went with her. When they left the studio I opened up the garage door to help allow the trauma to move out of the space and immediately re-entered the private session with my client who had waited there, holding space along with everyone else. We did some triage energy work on her heart, the situation having stirred up a lot for her, giving her access to feelings and emotions that her heart had been holding. I rooted into the space and helped her move the emotions. We moved her back into her physical structure and she left the space feeling lighter and more grounded.
I cleared the studio of the trauma after she left, processed it with a couple of the practitioners who were still in the space and moved forward with my day, unaware of a certain level of shock I was operating under. When my husband arrived home I processed through the story with him. He immediately asked me when I was seeing my healer next, he said “You just took a huge impact, and I know you’re strong and you did what you needed to for everyone else, but you need to get ahead of this.”
I heard him intellectually, but couldn’t process what he was saying on any other level. I felt fine– proud even of how I had handled the situation. (uh oh, proud? sounds like ego to me). And thus my uncontrollable sobbing at the right-side-up hanged man this morning.
What The Fountain Tarot says about a reversed hanged man is “business as usual” and that hits the nail on the head. Despite the MASSIVE trauma that occurred in the space yesterday– I moved forward as if I hadn’t been affected by it– taking care of the space and everyone else. Moving forward– making everyone feel safe and protected feels like my job. And maybe it is to a certain extent– as long as I’m being honest with myself, and acknowledging my own needs.
I am grateful to the incredible community of people who held space in the studio yesterday. I am grateful for the immense wisdom of my partner, his gentle but firm loving guidance, helping me acknowledge the truth. I am also grateful to this daily meditation practice.
Yesterday was HARD. I AM someone you want around in a crisis, I WILL be calm and grounded. I WILL take care of everyone else– but I cannot do that at my own expense.
Today I will take time for myself. I will allow myself to process and release the trauma of yesterday. I will remember that I am held, even when I’m holding. I will remind myself to TAKE MY OWN ADVICE– it’s actually pretty spot-on.
I transitioned back into my life today. I went to work. I had a strange sense of time through my first two hours working– it seemed to stretch further and take up more space than usual. By my third hour of work I had more of a handle on it– and it felt as though it were passing more normally. It felt good to be back, but a large part of me understands completely why the honeymoon is a tradition immediately following the wedding. There is a strange and beautiful existence we’re sharing right now that feels removed from all else. Entering back into the real world today threatened to shift that existence (though the threats were empty– the magic still remains).
This red coral draw speaks to me again of rooting, just as the tobacco from the same deck did two days ago. It is associated with the root chakra and makes me immediately think of my home which is begging me and my new husband to settle in. We are still amidst chaos from the wedding and the space is begging us to cleanse it of the chaos and root into a newly created calm. I will find my new rhythm, and it seems clear that the rhythm will begin with my root, as we create this new paradigm together
The coral strikes me as a perfect balance between fire and water. It is associated with the element of fire, yet it is surrounded by water– and it is the only thing in the ocean that comes to mind that is not swayed by water. Most things, whether animate or inanimate are moved by the movement of water. Coral is not. It is rooted and stands immovable against the constant ebb and flow of the tides. It is a constant, stable element in the ocean– all things move and flow around it. As I begin this life anew with my husband I will endeavor to allow my new, constructive habits and patterns (i.e. daily meditation and writing) to be as the red coral– rooted and fixed, which all else will easily flow around.
Fox is said to come to you during times of change, which is certainly appropriate for the massive life event that is coming just four days from now. (my wedding). Again, just as in yesterday’s draw there is a full moon illuminating the fox and a supernatural feel to the painting. Fox is said to be a mediator between the human and spirit worlds. I spent last night, as well as many other nights in the last couple of weeks straddling the human and spirit worlds in my dreams, waking with visions that only my dreaming mind can make sense of.
The massiveness of this transition I am moving through feels like it is being accompanied by a spiritual acknowledgement and awakening as well. As we allow our partnership to be brought out into the light and witnessed by the world, there are other aspects of us, often under the surface, that are allowed to be seen as well. I am a healer, and a witchy, witchy woman. I don’t always present my witch to the world, though most people who know me at all know that she’s always right underneath the surface. The appearance of fox today feels like an assurance. She helps me feel confident in owning the ceremony that is the next several days of my life. I am preparing myself for what is next. There is no need to hide my witch. She knows exactly how to move me forward.