The Scorpio full moon had a large effect on all aspects of my family. Drawing the son of cups this morning I sat with it and immediately felt an opening in my heart and throat chakras. The question in the back of my mind since I awoke this morning was “how do I keep my mind from worry?” I felt quickly that the son of cups represented my husband.
We have been married for a little over a month now. As each day passes a deeper shedding and opening occurs. The solidifying of our union allows both of us an access to more power. We have closed other doors, and opened this one WIDE. Our energies are more focused and deliberate. We are allowing ourselves to love one another and occupy our love fully.
I drew a second card for further guidance on the first. These two cards create a harmony, representing the symmetry of our partnership. The son of cups has an energetic drawing up, while temperance is grounding. There is a romantic and idealistic sense that the watery, emotional son of cups exudes that temperance gently balances, with the union of fire and water. These cards feel to me like a reminder to utilize the power and energy our sacrament offers us.
Our whole is far greater than the sum of its parts.
This card speaks of a new beginning, separate from an old reality. He walks with purpose towards his new life– no need for sentiment or looking back. His focus is wholly on what lies ahead. This is perfectly aligned with the energy that surrounds me currently. I took yesterday off from blogging– no drawing, no writing. I went to work in the morning, taught for four hours and then came home and spent several hours sorting, purging, cleaning, laundering and organizing.
This weekend I finally allowed myself to press the RESET button I’ve been desperately wanting to push for weeks. And while our space is far from perfect, it’s beginning to take shape. I can see the outlines and edges of what it will become– and it feels magnificent.
I feel free and unfettered, and like I (and my space) can finally BREATHE again. As I sit here writing, I keep taking massive breaths, sighs of relief, and it feels like the first time I’ve done so in weeks.
Last night I found myself unable to sleep for HOURS. After approximately one of them, I got myself out of bed and allowed my mind and body the satisfaction of continuing to clean and organize our home. It was a little after 3 am when I forced myself back to the bedroom to close my eyes and attempt sleep again. Waking up this morning and moving through our space– it feels tangibly different. There’s an undercurrent that is new and clear and easily ordered. As I unloaded the dishwasher this morning before work (I seriously feel like this was the first time I’ve ever done that– and if it wasn’t– it was close to it)– I had this feeling of finally understanding what it is to be an adult in a whole new way. (It only took me 41 years to get here.)
There is a natural chaos in my process within my home. I move through the space and create complete disarray because my focus is narrow– and fixated on an end goal– and there’s a part of me (I’d say a fairly important part) that isn’t present. There’s a part of me that isn’t acknowledging and respecting the space that surrounds and supports me. I am a different person at work. I NEED order– because I am asking myself to function at a high level. For most of my life I have found myself caught in a place where I unconsciously create a living environment that does not support my highest function.
As our new space unfolds, the underlying order that exists is more powerful than my chaos. It is begging me to maintain it– and I must happily oblige. There’s a new level of consciousness being asked of me, that I am asking of myself. A new part of me is awake and she’s demanding more. She’s asking all of me to step up and take the reigns, and surround myself with what I KNOW i deserve. And somehow, I finally feel SAFE enough to do that.
I just got this amazing new deck yesterday. It makes me feel like it’s my birthday and Christmas morning and all the happy things rolled into one. I could spend hours just sitting with these cards. Another awesome bonus is they have silver edges and shuffling them leaves my hands sparkly. What a perfect metaphor– this deck leaves me sparkly. And those who know me well (or even not-so-well) are probably aware that I’ve got a thing for sparkles.
I sat in meditation for a bit before drawing this card, reflecting on the new beginning that this morning feels like. I plugged in my apple watch just before drawing the card– it has been dormant for two weeks now– since the day I was married. Yes, it’s been two weeks since we made it official. (At some point I promise I’ll stop talking about it– but at the moment it’s still really feeling pertinent).
This draw is all about new beginnings– which is precisely what today feels like. Today I’m re-entering my body in a conscious physical way. (I have literally done no conscious exercise in the last three weeks– and in just a few minutes I’m headed off to a Pilates class.) I am re-entering my home and clearing out all of the debris that is no longer relevant. I am re-entering my life as a bigger, better, more powerful, married ME.
Yesterday I did not draw, nor did I write. I laid in bed ALL DAY LONG. I went to bed the night before well aware that my body was fighting– but with the hope that I might be able to “sleep it off.” Sleep it off, I did not. I woke up a couple of hours into my sleep with a RAGING sore throat. I tried all of my witchy remedies. I wrapped my neck in a scarf, poured a Chinese linament on my throat, and secured a rose quartz stone in between the scarf and myself– well aware that my 6:15 am class was not something I was going to be able to “push through.” At 3 am I texted my clients to let them know they could get some extra sleep in the morning– and tried to do the same.
My body is moving through its cycle. It’s done such an incredible job over the last month, moving forward, pushing through, getting it done. It is acknowledging its breaking point– forcing me to take a knee. And just thirty six hours later, having taken that knee, I feel much better.
Today’s card is all about those cycles that are inherently present in our lives that we are continuously moving through. There are the constant and continuous cycles that are always present, the waxing and waning of the moon, the changing of the seasons. Then there are those larger, personal cycles, birthdays, graduations, acknowledging changes in relationships, GETTING MARRIED and such.
There is a massive purge that has been building and insinuating itself for MONTHS in my home. This space is bursting at the seams. It is BEGGING to be toppled and rebuilt. I have been keeping it at bay for the last two weeks. It’s as if it is a living, breathing thing and it’s aware that the wedding is OVER– and pestering me to PAY ATTENTION to it. This weekend there is finally time to be given to completing a cycle in OUR home. Yes, technically it has been OUR home for almost three years now– but everything is different now. There is an ownership that WE have over this space that trumps anything previous.
I honor the sacredness of this new beginning we are making as a family of four. I honor the closing of the cycle as our family of three. I honor this space as our sacred container and can’t wait to dive in this weekend and MAKE it SING!!!!