Wow. I just actually sat for a moment with this image and was STRUCK by how brilliantly it portrays my life right now. It is the perfect metaphor for my wedding and the focus I have on the target, just nine days away. I am struck by the meticulous clarity with which he aims and focuses. There is no doubt in his being that he will hit the center of his target with surety and perfection.
He is surrounded by and supported by nature, the robin, dragonfly and the forest. He is harmonious in his forward momentum. Time in its insanely non-linear fashion is playing with me these days– but I have a slow and steady “eye on the prize” mentality that keeps things in perspective and helps me to understand that this final stretch before the wedding will be insanely short and immensely long at the same time. I am exhausted and exuberant, overwhelmed and accomplished.
I am ready and steady and I’ve got my eye on the target nine days from now and I know with certainty there’s no way for me to miss it.
There’s nothing like a deck of tarot cards to tell it like it is. The shells continue to hit me with their watery magic– and the reversed draw keeps me honest and pokes at what’s underneath the surface. What strikes me first about this card is how perfectly arranged the shells are in front of the penguin and how proud he is of this arrangement. Just like yesterday’s draw, there is an openness and oneness with the world around him– I am struck by the stardust, just as I was in the image yesterday. This card asks me to take a few steps back, gain a little persective. It says, YES, but…
Yes, I am establishing new habits. Yes, I am holding myself accountable. Yes, I am doing a good job. HOWEVER– to what end? There is a smugness and arrogance in the penguin– which is exactly what a reversed nine of shells (cups) connotes. This card reminds me to stay true to my internal motivations, and to stop getting distracted and wrapped up in EXTERNAL VALIDATION. This is the struggle of my insecure little girl, always seeking that approval from whomever is willing to offer it to her.
It reminds me of the perfect interaction I had with my partner a few days ago– after I published my first post on 18 days and counting. He came home from work and walked into the kitchen as I was cooking dinner. I excitedly said, “I’ve already got 150 views on my first post of the new blog!” He hugged me and said calmly, “baby, how many views you have doesn’t matter, it’s the fact that you published it… AND– that’s AWESOME that you have that many views already.” He re-framed it for me perfectly. And he’s absolutely right, just like this sweet, smug reversed little penguin. I must keep myself in check and remember that although I’m doing a good job– I’m just at the VERY beginning of these new practices. There is SO MUCH TIME that I have to continue putting in consistently not for the feedback I receive from others, but for the growth that I’m allowing myself.
There’s also a beautiful symbolism in the penguin– who flies in the water as opposed to the air. The water, that is so consistently calling me to connect with it, invites me in with the penguin, but acknowledges my fear with the reversed draw. The penguin also is a symbol of balance, being a creature who lives in both Arctic as well as hot climates. That duality is also expressed in the diametric opposition of black and white on its body. It symbolizes the ability to handle and hold space for duality to exist, holding the balance and equilibrium between giving and receiving which is such a present part of my journey. Both penguin and reversed nine of shells also give the message to connect to family– which is beyond appropriate at this juncture for me.
This draw is humbling. I’m reminding myself WHY I’m engaging in this practice and how it is truly benefiting me. (And it has nothing to do with my number of views). I’m engaging in this consistent practice of meditating, writing and publishing because I am a healer and writer, and it is my work. Just like any other discipline, the most important part of it is TIME IN. All the other stuff that comes along with it is just icing on the cake.
The full moon illuminating Hera is what strikes me first when connecting to this card– as well as all of the peacock eyes that she is robed in. The card gives me a sense of awareness and transparency. There is nothing hidden. Hera is the queen of the Gods and the Goddess of marriage and family. She was a protector of marriage and made herself a symbol for married women. This feels particularly apropos as I am getting married nineteen days from now and the reality of my pending nuptials is really beginning to hit me.
I got married for the first time at the tender age of twenty three. I was bright-eyed, in love and full of fairy tale stories of marriage. My first marriage brought me exactly the lessons I needed and allowed me to begin to acknowledge the tiniest bit of my power. Getting married to my first husband made me feel like an adult. It moved me through a stilted rite of passage and helped me to assume a role that I didn’t know how to assume otherwise. It began as an exercise in innocence and ended as a massive wake up call that struck the root of my being. It also produced two incredible human beings whom I have the privilege of calling my children.
This time around is different. One experience does not even begin to resemble the other, like two different people who coincidentally have the same name. There is no fairy tale. The love I share with my partner is consistent and deeply rooted into a vast foundation that we have built together for years. I am a fully grown woman marrying a fully grown man. Everything is fully illuminated and my eyes are WIDE OPEN. This marriage is an acknowledgement of a deep and abiding bond that exists between myself and my partner. I do not have any illusions about what the future holds for us, and I understand that our bond is powerful and worthy of acknowledgement.
The presence of Hera in today’s draw is comforting. The calm and assurance in her full illumination affirm the brightly lit path along which I find myself travelling.