Taking a moment with this card after drawing it I feel certain it represents my mother, feeling an immediate pull into my heart. She is in the forefront of my mind of late as she continues to lighten her load and mine along with it. There is a protectiveness that this lovely swan offers– almost to the point of self-sacrifice. There is a loving, nurturing empathy offered without expectation. This is truly the embodiment of my mother.
As I continue to witness her process I also continue to feel its affects in my own life. It becomes easier for me to trust myself and my surrounding community. This card encourages me to continue to trust myself and my intuition, allowing connection with the world that I am surrounded by without fear or reticence. I am grateful for my mother’s steadfast example of the embodiment of unconditional love.
The Scorpio full moon had a large effect on all aspects of my family. Drawing the son of cups this morning I sat with it and immediately felt an opening in my heart and throat chakras. The question in the back of my mind since I awoke this morning was “how do I keep my mind from worry?” I felt quickly that the son of cups represented my husband.
We have been married for a little over a month now. As each day passes a deeper shedding and opening occurs. The solidifying of our union allows both of us an access to more power. We have closed other doors, and opened this one WIDE. Our energies are more focused and deliberate. We are allowing ourselves to love one another and occupy our love fully.
I drew a second card for further guidance on the first. These two cards create a harmony, representing the symmetry of our partnership. The son of cups has an energetic drawing up, while temperance is grounding. There is a romantic and idealistic sense that the watery, emotional son of cups exudes that temperance gently balances, with the union of fire and water. These cards feel to me like a reminder to utilize the power and energy our sacrament offers us.
Our whole is far greater than the sum of its parts.
I’ve fallen out of my writing practice in the last week– allowing doubt and fear to get the better of me. Today, on this first day following the Scorpio full moon, I renew my commitment to myself and this process of accountability and acknowledgement. I began today with a 13 card spread for the coming year from this deck that is brand new to me, The Wild Unknown. It feels like my deck. Interacting with it feels like coming home.
The seven of wands was the first card I turned over in the 13 card spread, the one that applies for the month ahead. I began sobbing as soon as i connected to it.
The root of my emotion feels connected to my mother and the shedding process she is currently undergoing, which runs parallel to my own. The work that she is doing is clearly work for our lineage. As she releases her burdens she allows my daughter and I to release them as well. She frees us from ever having to carry them.
Yesterday on the full moon in Scorpio she turned 73. The day before she held a yard sale at my house and let go of a massive amount of weight that she had been carrying for years upon years upon years. My mother is a collector. She has always been a collector (at least for the 41 years that I have known her). When I was a child she never made me get rid of anything. There was an attachment to objects that was allowed and even encouraged. I carted around ridiculous pieces of my childhood with me from one coast to another– finally beginning to unravel that process seven years ago when I separated from my first husband.
The single flame on the seven of wands represents our own inner fire. It symbolizes the importance of self-reliance and the falling away of all other things or people. As my mother sheds her past and unburdens herself of all that she has carried for herself and for others throughout her lifetime– I too feel a weight lifting. Her lightening load is mine as well. She gives me courage to move forward through my doubt and fear, guided by my own inner light. I allow that light to shine on my terror. I acknowledge the perfection of my fear and allow my inner light to guide the way. I am grateful for the powerful example my mother is setting. As she steps out on her own brightly lit path without the security of her things, so too do I.
Yesterday I did not draw, nor did I write. I laid in bed ALL DAY LONG. I went to bed the night before well aware that my body was fighting– but with the hope that I might be able to “sleep it off.” Sleep it off, I did not. I woke up a couple of hours into my sleep with a RAGING sore throat. I tried all of my witchy remedies. I wrapped my neck in a scarf, poured a Chinese linament on my throat, and secured a rose quartz stone in between the scarf and myself– well aware that my 6:15 am class was not something I was going to be able to “push through.” At 3 am I texted my clients to let them know they could get some extra sleep in the morning– and tried to do the same.
My body is moving through its cycle. It’s done such an incredible job over the last month, moving forward, pushing through, getting it done. It is acknowledging its breaking point– forcing me to take a knee. And just thirty six hours later, having taken that knee, I feel much better.
Today’s card is all about those cycles that are inherently present in our lives that we are continuously moving through. There are the constant and continuous cycles that are always present, the waxing and waning of the moon, the changing of the seasons. Then there are those larger, personal cycles, birthdays, graduations, acknowledging changes in relationships, GETTING MARRIED and such.
There is a massive purge that has been building and insinuating itself for MONTHS in my home. This space is bursting at the seams. It is BEGGING to be toppled and rebuilt. I have been keeping it at bay for the last two weeks. It’s as if it is a living, breathing thing and it’s aware that the wedding is OVER– and pestering me to PAY ATTENTION to it. This weekend there is finally time to be given to completing a cycle in OUR home. Yes, technically it has been OUR home for almost three years now– but everything is different now. There is an ownership that WE have over this space that trumps anything previous.
I honor the sacredness of this new beginning we are making as a family of four. I honor the closing of the cycle as our family of three. I honor this space as our sacred container and can’t wait to dive in this weekend and MAKE it SING!!!!
This card is one of those ALL THE BLESSINGS cards. It symbolizes harmony and abundance with family and relationships. Feels perfectly apropos for the place I currently find myself– in the brilliant, beautiful haze of newly-wedded bliss… HOWEVER, connecting to this card on a purely tarot level does not really acknowledge much that is going on under the surface of our bliss. The symbol of the pelican does however offer the balance that I feel is a more honest portrayal of exactly where I find myself at the moment.
Pelican symbolizes the need to turn inward and take time for self-care. THIS is the place I feel slightly more connected to as I write this post, having spent most of my day laid up in bed having a hard time turning my head. Saturday night was symbolically and in actuality the end of our wedding celebrations. We had a party in Portland for all of the loved ones we were unable to include the previous weekend at the Coast. I drank more than my fair share of libations (as is quite unusual for me)– and had an incredible time dancing and celebrating.
Sunday morning I woke up at 5:45 am unable to go back to sleep and with a sense of dis-ease. I took a hot bath and tried to sleep again– and woke a couple of hours later with a dull, aching pain in my neck. I got up and went into the studio to teach mat class at 9 am, having cancelled my private sessions the night before when I realized that they were an unreasonable ask of myself. After teaching mat class I headed to stock up on Easter basket wares for my mostly grown children and then headed home to assemble Easter baskets.
By the time my husband was home from work in the early afternoon– it was clear I was not in my best form– moving around the house like a stiff mannequin with very few mobile joints. He immediately took me up to the studio and worked on me (one of the many benefits of being married to an LMT)– and then brought me home to rest. Several hours later I realized I would not be helping anyone the next day– other than myself. I cancelled my clients and got my classes covered.
I sought solace in my bed with a movie and a new animal puzzle sticker book that feeds some deeply hidden places in my brain perfectly. (see picture below) I rested and recuperated. I tried as best I could to allow the stress of the last several weeks to melt into my mattress and out of my tired and confused muscles. I turned inward. My breath got deeper, my cells decompressed. My husband joined me. We snuggled into ALL OF THE BLESSINGS that exist between the two of us.
I’m thankful for the insight of my body, seizing to allow me to settle. It knows me pretty well by now– and knows sometimes I’ll push a little when I should maybe just be standing still (or even sitting down). I am surrounded by blessings and full of well-being. I am immeasurably happy and content and overflowing with abundance. And I am grateful for gentle reminders from my body (confirmed by my tarot cards) that despite all of the blessings– I still need to take care of myself. FIRST.
Wow. I just actually sat for a moment with this image and was STRUCK by how brilliantly it portrays my life right now. It is the perfect metaphor for my wedding and the focus I have on the target, just nine days away. I am struck by the meticulous clarity with which he aims and focuses. There is no doubt in his being that he will hit the center of his target with surety and perfection.
He is surrounded by and supported by nature, the robin, dragonfly and the forest. He is harmonious in his forward momentum. Time in its insanely non-linear fashion is playing with me these days– but I have a slow and steady “eye on the prize” mentality that keeps things in perspective and helps me to understand that this final stretch before the wedding will be insanely short and immensely long at the same time. I am exhausted and exuberant, overwhelmed and accomplished.
I am ready and steady and I’ve got my eye on the target nine days from now and I know with certainty there’s no way for me to miss it.
There’s nothing like a deck of tarot cards to tell it like it is. The shells continue to hit me with their watery magic– and the reversed draw keeps me honest and pokes at what’s underneath the surface. What strikes me first about this card is how perfectly arranged the shells are in front of the penguin and how proud he is of this arrangement. Just like yesterday’s draw, there is an openness and oneness with the world around him– I am struck by the stardust, just as I was in the image yesterday. This card asks me to take a few steps back, gain a little persective. It says, YES, but…
Yes, I am establishing new habits. Yes, I am holding myself accountable. Yes, I am doing a good job. HOWEVER– to what end? There is a smugness and arrogance in the penguin– which is exactly what a reversed nine of shells (cups) connotes. This card reminds me to stay true to my internal motivations, and to stop getting distracted and wrapped up in EXTERNAL VALIDATION. This is the struggle of my insecure little girl, always seeking that approval from whomever is willing to offer it to her.
It reminds me of the perfect interaction I had with my partner a few days ago– after I published my first post on 18 days and counting. He came home from work and walked into the kitchen as I was cooking dinner. I excitedly said, “I’ve already got 150 views on my first post of the new blog!” He hugged me and said calmly, “baby, how many views you have doesn’t matter, it’s the fact that you published it… AND– that’s AWESOME that you have that many views already.” He re-framed it for me perfectly. And he’s absolutely right, just like this sweet, smug reversed little penguin. I must keep myself in check and remember that although I’m doing a good job– I’m just at the VERY beginning of these new practices. There is SO MUCH TIME that I have to continue putting in consistently not for the feedback I receive from others, but for the growth that I’m allowing myself.
There’s also a beautiful symbolism in the penguin– who flies in the water as opposed to the air. The water, that is so consistently calling me to connect with it, invites me in with the penguin, but acknowledges my fear with the reversed draw. The penguin also is a symbol of balance, being a creature who lives in both Arctic as well as hot climates. That duality is also expressed in the diametric opposition of black and white on its body. It symbolizes the ability to handle and hold space for duality to exist, holding the balance and equilibrium between giving and receiving which is such a present part of my journey. Both penguin and reversed nine of shells also give the message to connect to family– which is beyond appropriate at this juncture for me.
This draw is humbling. I’m reminding myself WHY I’m engaging in this practice and how it is truly benefiting me. (And it has nothing to do with my number of views). I’m engaging in this consistent practice of meditating, writing and publishing because I am a healer and writer, and it is my work. Just like any other discipline, the most important part of it is TIME IN. All the other stuff that comes along with it is just icing on the cake.