fountain tarot, healing, post a day, prose, self-reflection, the daily draw, Uncategorized

Community is KEY

Today’s draw is the Three of cups reversed from the Fountain Tarot.

Three of cups is a joyous celebration of community and coming together. Drawing this card reversed reminds me not to get stuck in isolation. I have a tendency to withdraw from my support when fear begins to grip me. As I move through my days right now I am calling upon an immense amount of TRUST to carry me forward. The gentle reminder this card brings: to root into the community that I have built and fostered at body mechanics is golden.

When I take a moment to flip this card right side up I feel a lift of energy– there is a feeling of opening and support. Sitting with the card in reverse helps me to remember to send my energy in both directions– through my roots as well as my crown.

Community is KEY.

fountain tarot, healing, post a day, prose, self-reflection, the daily draw, transformation, Uncategorized, writing

I am Held even when I’m Holding

Today’s draw is the reversed Hanged man from The Fountain Tarot.

Two days later my old friend is back again, reversed, just to keep me honest.

In connecting with this card this morning I felt an instant release of emotion– my heart and my throat chakras releasing into sobs immediately. At first, my intellect was bewildered. Aren’t I doing a good job? Am I seeking external validation? What am I doing WRONG? BINGO. That question in and of itself is my answer.

Yesterday there was some drama in the studio. I was with a client in a private movement session and another instructor was teaching a mat class in the front room. I was completely engrossed in my work with my client when one of the mat class students burst into the equipment room, distressed, and said, “Mandy, can you come in here? something is wrong.” I looked into the next room to see the instructor, my dear friend and colleague, sitting on the floor shaking uncontrollably. I moved away from my client and over to her instantly. I sat with her and helped her ground. I told her she was exactly where she needed to be and that everything was alright.

She has a condition called Addison’s disease. Her body does not produce cortisol, the stress hormone. There are so many small chemical regulations that our bodies are continuously processing that we take for granted– sugars, salts, minerals, hormones. When any one of these small things is off in her body the effects can be catastrophic– it can leave her feeling dizzy, nauseous, and unable to function like a normal human being. It can also make her feel terrified. That’s what she was yesterday. TERRIFIED.

There’s that word again.

I am the woman you want around in a crisis. I will jump to action. I will stay calm. I will remain grounded. It’s what I was made for. In that moment of crisis my entire energy field surrounded the studio and everyone in it in a big bubble of safety. What was important to me above anything else was that she and everyone else in the studio felt safe and taken care of. I may have over-extended myself a bit.

We moved through the trauma, called an ambulance to usher her to the hospital where they could give her fluids and monitor all of her levels. My brilliant assistant went with her. When they left the studio I opened up the garage door to help allow the trauma to move out of the space and immediately re-entered the private session with my client who had waited there, holding space along with everyone else. We did some triage energy work on her heart, the situation having stirred up a lot for her, giving her access to feelings and emotions that her heart had been holding. I rooted into the space and helped her move the emotions. We moved her back into her physical structure and she left the space feeling lighter and more grounded.

I cleared the studio of the trauma after she left, processed it with a couple of the practitioners who were still in the space and moved forward with my day, unaware of a certain level of shock I was operating under. When my husband arrived home I processed through the story with him. He immediately asked me when I was seeing my healer next, he said “You just took a huge impact, and I know you’re strong and you did what you needed to for everyone else, but you need to get ahead of this.”

I heard him intellectually, but couldn’t process what he was saying on any other level. I felt fine– proud even of how I had handled the situation. (uh oh, proud? sounds like ego to me). And thus my uncontrollable sobbing at the right-side-up hanged man this morning.

What The Fountain Tarot says about a reversed hanged man is “business as usual” and that hits the nail on the head. Despite the MASSIVE trauma that occurred in the space yesterday– I moved forward as if I hadn’t been affected by it– taking care of the space and everyone else. Moving forward– making everyone feel safe and protected feels like my job. And maybe it is to a certain extent– as long as I’m being honest with myself, and acknowledging my own needs.

I am grateful to the incredible community of people who held space in the studio yesterday. I am grateful for the immense wisdom of my partner, his gentle but firm loving guidance, helping me acknowledge the truth. I am also grateful to this daily meditation practice.

Yesterday was HARD. I AM someone you want around in a crisis, I WILL be calm and grounded. I WILL take care of everyone else– but I cannot do that at my own expense.

Today I will take time for myself. I will allow myself to process and release the trauma of yesterday. I will remember that I am held, even when I’m holding. I will remind myself to TAKE MY OWN ADVICE– it’s actually pretty spot-on.

healing, motherpeace, post a day, prose, self-reflection, tarot, the daily draw, transformation, Uncategorized, writing

Turning from the Deep Inward Spiral

Today’s draw is the five of discs from the Motherpeace tarot deck.

I must admit, this card hits it right on the head. A woman doing solitary work, head down, focused. Reminds me of someone… Reading about this card it talks about stress around not having enough of something. YES. This card HITS IT. Awesomely though, I feel like before I drew this card I was already beginning to move through this state of worry and solitude.

Today I moved back out into the world, turning from the deep inward spiral of the priestess of cups. And while I was still focused on the work ahead of me, I also turned to friends for help. I feel like that’s what this card doesn’t show– but it’s about to happen… She finishes kneading her bread, gets up and goes into the other room and asks her friends if they’ll help her bake it, or maybe she just lifts her head and calls out for support… Either way, I feel confident she is about to ask for the help she needs.

I feel hope in this card, because I feel hope for myself. Yes, I have a lot of work to do and many things to organize in my head as well as in the actual world. But, I’m beginning to tackle those things by reaching out into all of the support that surrounds me. Moving through my life today was a beautiful affirmation of that support. I’ve spent much of my life afraid to ask for help– and I think often people don’t know how to offer help to me– because I often appear not to need it. But, just like everyone else, I need help, especially right now. And I’m finally learning that asking for it is a highly effective way of getting it.

Imagine that.

motherpeace, post a day, prose, self-reflection, tarot, the daily draw, transformation, Uncategorized, writing

Come Hell or High Water

Today’s draw is the eight of cups reversed from Motherpeace tarot by Vicki Noble and Karen Vogel. 

There are weird blocks in the roadway this morning. I just had three attempts at adding this picture and caption only to have it subsequently deleted. I felt my frustration mounting as I moved through these attempts and then I took a breath and had a little giggle realizing it was all part of the reversed eight of cups process. The eight of cups reversed speaks to my sense of overwhelm, which is fairly all consuming at the moment.

It’s a bit laughable that at this time in my life when I’m preparing to get married, and hosting as DIY a wedding as you can get that I make the decision to start two new blogs and hold myself accountable for writing a post a day in each of them. It’s absolutely perfect and speaks to who I am. It’s nice to acknowledge it though. I am OVERWHELMED.

This poor sweet purple octopus is busting out all the stops– has pulled out all of her finery, the very best cups. But she is stuck in presenting her finery, unable to move in any direction, because all of her hands are full. And from my reversed perspective, her cups must also all be empty, because they are all upside down. I can’t help but immediately connect to her two little eyes in the center of the picture that look completely bewildered.

I know the feeling. This card reminds me from the outside perspective that I’ve GOT A LOT GOING ON RIGHT NOW. It’s a useful image for me in that it speaks to the importance of delegation. I don’t know about the octopus– but I do know that I have an extensive support system and this card is reminding me of that. I am not this isolated octopus. It’s time for me to tap into my community and ASK FOR HELP. Because I’m not going to stop writing my two blog posts a day– and come hell or high water I am getting married 12 days from today.